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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25293478">To love and protect</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/papercutlife/pseuds/papercutlife'>papercutlife</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Battle, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Disability, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Hospitals, Innocent Eren Yeager, Loneliness, M/M, Nervousness, Protective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Protectiveness, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Trust, Violence, War, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Yaoi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:47:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>32,478</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25293478</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/papercutlife/pseuds/papercutlife</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi beat the shit out of Eren in that court room. Everyone saw that episode. But what if someone changed the course of things from that very moment? Well, I did that and that's how this fic was born.</p><p> </p><p>Eren and Levi on their way to kill titans and make love. From complete strangers to friends and maybe even something more.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi &amp; Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>166</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Beaten up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I know, I know the other fic isn't done. I'm well aware, pls don't hate me. I'll continue someday. I swear to all the gods above. </p><p>But this one is about AoT as well! So you can hate me a little bit less huehuehuehueheuheeuhe. Yes, that was my menacing laugh, so stfu.</p><p>Anyways, this is probably going to be one of the best fics I've ever written. I can feel it in me bones. So pls READ, COMMENT, GIVE KUDOS.</p><p>Love ya, byeeeee!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Suddenly I felt every muscle in my body protesting, stretching to inexplicable lengths and begging for release. I screamed, but there was nothing coming through my lips, instead a deep roar could be heard from afar. I blanched in sudden shock, jaw clenching in pain after feeling something heavy landing in the palm of my hand. All those eyes around me were set on one single thing, the cannon ball. I could hear the whispers, scared and disapproving. They didn’t like what they were seeing, that was for sure.</p><p>“Eren, are you alright?” someone called and their voice was laced with uncertainty, I still couldn’t quite pinpoint what was the thing they were so afraid of.</p><p>I opened my eyes. The cannons were all pointing in my direction, deep down below me, my chest was empty. I cried for help, letting my arm fall to the ground, raising a cloud of dust by the sudden impact. This is certainly not a good situation to find myself in. Focus, Eren, there must be something you can do, something but staring right into the eyes of your allies that wear a masque of an enemy. I yanked my head backwards, tearing apart all of the tendons that were bounding me to the titan. I gasped for air, shivers running down my spine. I heaved a sigh of relief, but this was not over. Strong hands wrapped around me and I saw Mikasa, she was watching me with unreadable expression in her face, but the grip was so tight that it was comforting enough. Not that I needed comforting, of course.</p><p>“There’s only one question I need you to answer,” the voice attempted to sound firm, but still, it was wavering. “Are you a titan, or a human?” The officer had the word fear written all over his features, his hand rose in the air, ready to give permission. Permission to do what?”</p><p>“What?!” I spluttered, that was an awfully stupid question to ask. “I’m sorry, but I don’t unders-“</p><p>“I’m not gonna repeat myself!” the man shouted, mix of anger and fear seething from his mouth.</p><p>I gaped, not knowing what to do, feeling like everything around me was falling apart. I looked at Armin and Mikasa, but they weren’t looking back at me. Their stares were fixed on something utterly different, the cannons. Suddenly, my lungs couldn’t ventilate the air quickly enough, I started hyperventilating. What is happening? That was the only question in my mind, and I wasn’t able to answer it. I took too long; I missed the opportunity to answer and the raised hand of the officer started slowly falling towards his side.</p><p>“Stop this madness, can’t you see how confused you make those kids?” a muscled hand landed on the officer Weilman’s wrist, grabbing it with a firm squeeze.</p><p>“Commander Pixis,” the officer breathed in shock, “those people are dangerous!”</p><p>“Let them be, Kitz, that titan must have a lot to say.”</p><p>.</p><p>I opened my eyes; there was an unfamiliar ceiling above my head. Grey stones and chapped plastering. The air was moist and the whole place smelled of dust and mold. I gulped and my throat contracted in pain, I needed water, anything I could pour into my mouth would do the trick. Raising my hand, I tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes, but something held me back. Chains, they rattled menacingly as I tried to move.</p><p>“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” a voice sounded throughout the room and I strained my neck to see who was talking.</p><p>There was a bulky blonde guy sitting at the table right in front of the… bars? Was this, was I…</p><p>“Where - am I?” I heaved, coughing and spluttering following quickly behind.</p><p>A small figure stepped outside the shadows and lean fingers wrapped themselves around the bars.</p><p>“What does it matter to you,” the voice was deep and monotone, it sent shivers down my spine. “All you do is causing trouble, titan.”</p><p>Titan? Who was that guy talking to? I moved my head again just enough to see the stranger’s face. His appearance was immaculate, he was as clean as a soldier could get. Polished shoes, trimmed hair, white scarf tied neatly around his neck. I felt something tighten in my chest and my breathing suddenly became so much harder. Those dark steely eyes and thin lips, unmoving in the dimness of the dungeon.</p><p>“I am,” I coughed violently, trying to free myself off the chains on instinct. “I am not a titan. I mean, I am, but I am not. I -, I…”</p><p> “Save it for the trial,” the blonde man spoke again and his blue eyes pierced trough my body a like a spear. “You’re apparently not in the right shape to answer any of my questions right now, anyway.”</p><p>“A trial?” I breathed, confusion overtaking my features. I balled my hands into fists, jerking them in a futile attempt to free myself.</p><p>“Listen, kid,” the smaller man pressed his face into the space between two bars, his knuckles going white from his tight grip. “What do you want to accomplish here? What do you want to do?” His voice angry and passionate about something I couldn’t quite describe. I watched him, words stuck in my throat, every inch of my body burning under his scrutiny.</p><p>“I want, I want to…” I stuttered, forcing myself to find the right words, but my mind was blank. He sighed and pushed himself away. My arm instinctively raised itself to reach out for him but got stopped by the heavy chain. “I want to kill all the titans!” I shouted a loud as I could, tears prickling in my eyes, jaw clenching with pent-up emotions. “I want to kill as much as I can, I want to kill them all!”</p><p>The raven-haired man stopped dead in his track, slowly turning his face towards me. “That’s good enough,” was all he said before he disappeared in the shadows with the blonde in tow.</p><p>.</p><p>I didn’t know how long I laid there, could be days, could be weeks, maybe even months. I was engulfed in darkness, my hearing becoming more perceptive as my sight wasn’t used that often. And that’s exactly why I could hear them minutes before they came. Their heavy boots hitting the ground in a steady rhythm as they approached my cell.</p><p>“Eren! I’m so sorry to keep you waiting!” Hard scruffy fingers suddenly wrapped around my wrist, awkwardly trying to get me rid of my shackles.</p><p>“Hmm,” I murmured, still looking at the ceiling.</p><p>“Eren, come on, the trial is today!” I sat up straight, gaping at the red headed woman with narrow glasses hanging on the tip of her nose.</p><p>“Today,” I uttered, repeating the word a few more times to myself so I could fully grasp its meaning. “Today?” I hollered when it all downed on me. “But, a trial about what? I don’t know what to tell them, they’re gonna, they…”</p><p>The woman waved her hand dismissively, “boy, don’t be so dramatic! There’s a possibility they even let you live!”</p><p>“WHAT?”</p><p>“Just kidding, just kidding!” she laughed hysterically, slapping her hands on her knees, face reddening. “Ish,” she added quietly and told me to follow.</p><p>The route was long and tiring, but I was glad to be able to properly stretch my limbs after oh so long. I breathed the fresh air as we passed along the patio; the sun was already high in the sky, forcing its sunrays persistently through the murky clouds. I smiled; at least they let me see the sky one last time. Finally, we reached the final destination, the courtroom. Three guys joined us at the entrance and, as if I was some kind of a dangerous animal, they were chaining my hands together yet again. I felt a soft touch on my shoulder, and I flinched involuntarily. It was odd; a comforting touch from another person was something I wasn’t used to any longer.</p><p>“It’s gonna be ok, Eren,” she whispered right before the door opened and I was faced with a room full of chattering people.</p><p>The chatter stopped immediately, and all those hungry stares turned on me. I gulped, trying to find something to hold on, some anchor point that would steady my beating heart. I found two steely eyes watching me intently; I halted, holding her gaze. Mikasa was standing right next to Armin, gripping his hand like a vice. A small smile appeared on my face, I never appreciated her enough, I never thanked her for all she’s done for me. She was like a sister to me, all the family that I got left. I was led to a single pole standing in the middle of the hall. They forced me to kneel in front of the judge and two strong hands fastened my chains around the tall object, preventing me from a possible escape. Not that I planned on doing such thing.</p><p>“So, what do we have here today.” The judge quickly scanned the papers laying in front of him and looked up see the problem he was dealing with. Me. “A boy,” he murmured.</p><p>“A titan!” a fierce voice could be heard from the left where stood mostly soldiers of the Military Police and a few members of the Garrison. The word was let out by a thin tall man in a cleric cowl. His face was worn out and full of wrinkles creasing his forehead and cheeks. I was ready to object, but he continued. “He poses a great danger to humanity!” he bellowed, and his hands were shaking in anger and fear. He was afraid… of me.</p><p>“I second this.” I knew this person, it was Nile Dok, a former commander of the Military Police. He wore his uniform with pride, showing off the emblem of his brigade everywhere he could. He was all talk but no act. Nevertheless, I knew that that was unimportant now; this was a battle of words after all. “I think we should put him down.”</p><p>“Put him down? Who do you think he is, an animal?!” Mikasa was furious and if she could, I believe she would be spitting fire.</p><p>“Yes! Yes! That’s exactly who he is! An animal that needs to be killed! I’m calling for an execution! He’s hurt you before, hasn’t he, Ackerman?! Hasn’t he?” The pastor screamed, clearly losing his calm.</p><p>Mikasa quiet down and my breath hitched in my throat, I didn’t dare ask if it was true, I could see it in her eyes. I didn’t remember, I didn’t want to, I didn’t mean to.</p><p>“Minister Nick, stop throwing tantrums or I’ll get you escorted out,” the judge rebuked him and turned his attention to me.</p><p>“So, Mister Yeager, are you indeed… a monster?” He looked so unbothered by this whole thing, almost as if he didn’t care what fate I would be met with eventually.</p><p>“Of course he’s not,” the black haired girl interjected yet again, “stop this! Stop this madness!</p><p>The pastor turned in her direction, eyes wide, heavy breaths coming through his lips. “And what about you, Mikasa Ackerman? You’re always by his side, how can we know you’re not like him? How can we know you’re not one of them?”</p><p>“That’s right! We should dissect her just in case!”</p><p>I huffed, clenching my fists, rage boiling up inside my veins. “Wait! Maybe I am a monster, but she has nothing to do with it!!” I couldn’t stand this, I couldn’t listen anymore, I wanted to shut them all up.</p><p>Nile flailed his hands in the air in a futile attempt to shift the attention back on him. “As if we could believe you,” he hollered, “if you’re defending her, then she must be one of you!”</p><p>“NO!” My voice resonated through the walls of the courtroom and everyone went silent, I could feel the base of the pole move a bit in its bedding. My breathing sped up and I could feel some inhuman force slowly rising in my chest. This wasn’t going well, I’m gonna get killed if I continue like this. “You’re wrong,” I whispered. “You keep using mere speculations just to make the water flow your way. You’ve never even seen a titan, so why are you so afraid?!” The mutter among the bystanders at the entrance was suddenly heard inside the room. That big of a silence was caused by my discourse. “You cowards,” I hissed.</p><p>The pastor gasped in faked offence, Nile Dok, on the other hand, had enough. He looked at the soldier standing by his right side with a rifle on his back and shouted, “Ready!” The barrel pointed in my direction and I instinctively screw my eyes shut, waiting for the final hit. But what proceeded was nothing I expected. There was a polished leather boot quickly approaching my face and the impact sent one of my front teeth flying across the floor. I groaned in pain, but before I could inspect the perpetrator any closer, another punch was aimed at my stomach, I crumbled to the ground spitting blood. The hits were only growing on intensity and soon I was barely able to lift myself up.</p><p>“It’s just my personal opinion,” a deep voice I already knew spoke flatly above my head, “but pain is the best tool for discipline.”</p><p>I shivered and despite my condition, I tried to raise my head and look him in the eye, longing to ask him what the hell this was for. I didn’t have to create much effort, because a hand gently grabbed my chin and suddenly our faces were mere inches apart.</p><p>“Shut your filthy mouth if you want to stay alive, brat,” he muttered under his breath. “Leave this to me, okay?” I nodded and he stood back up, brushing away nonexistent smidgeons that got stuck on his knees. “You don’t need to be educated by words; you need training. You’ve fallen low enough that you’re easy to kick around anyway.” Another kick into my stomach caused me to bend down in excruciating pain, something definitely broke this time. Might be a rib, might be something worse, I had no idea what I was made of anymore and my body felt like goo. If it went like this for another minute, I would have probably passed out. But Nick Dok was the one to interfere.</p><p>“Hold on, Levi…”</p><p>Levi, so that’s the name. It fits him well, I thought, smiling through the angry tears that rolled freely down my cheeks.</p><p>“What?” he asked clearly annoyed.  </p><p>The former commander scratched the nape of his head. “It’s dangerous,” he said eventually, and I couldn’t miss the fact that I was but an object to him… or more so, to this whole room. “What if he starts raging and turns into a titan?”</p><p>Levi kneeled back to my level, grabbing me by my hair and roughly pulling my head up to face him. “What are you talking about?” he asked, not once breaking the eye contact. “I thought you were going to dissect him?” The room fell into a pin drop silence; all those dignitaries were suddenly lost for words. I tried to read in his face while I got the chance, he still looked me whit that empty stare. His face was blank, I saw nothing. “As I heard it,” he spoke again, rising to his feet, “when he turned into a titan, he killed twenty other titans before his strength ran out. If he were an enemy, he might cause more trouble than that Intel’s worth.” He chuckled, but it was not humorous. “He still can’t stand against me though. All of you who persecute him, think it over. Can you really kill him?”</p><p>Before anyone could answer, the blond man from before raised his hand, demanding a word. “Supreme Commander, I have a proposal.”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“Eren’s titan power has multitude of uncertainties and unknown elements. It is exceedingly dangerous. So why don’t we put Eren under Captain Levi's command and send them on a mission outside the walls?” I gawked, mouth agape, blood dripping from my lower lip onto my ripped-up clothes. Did I hear right? Me, going on a mission with Survey Corps? Under Levi’s command? I wanted to say that I was against this idea, because that man just beat the living shit out of me. But surprisingly, I was glad, pleased even.</p><p>“Eren as well?” the judge sounded as confused as I felt in that very moment.</p><p>“Yes, whether Eren can control his titan power and whether he may be of benefit to mankind should be decided on the results of that mission.”</p><p>The old man behind the mahogany table intertwined his hands under his chin; he seemed to be actually considering that man’s proposition. Everyone was holding their breaths, not even Minister Nick seemed to have the power to defy this amount of power. Eventually those two tired eyes turned to the fairly short man standing by my side and a small smile graced the chapped lips. “Watch over Eren Jaeger, can you do that, Levi?”</p><p>The raven shrugged his shoulders in an almost indifferent manner. “I can definitely kill him,” he spat. “The problem is it will either be all or nothing.”</p><p>The smile on the judge’s lips widened, “I have made my decision.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Saved by the weapon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Levi gets into trouble and Eren dosen't want to be an onlooker.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, here I am with the second chappy! I hope you like the story so far. This time it's gonna get tense. Buckle up! </p><p>and as always</p><p>COMMENT, GIVE KUDOS AND STAY FUJOSHI!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My eyes fluttered open and I heaved a sigh, coughing and spluttering blood seconds after. “Damn,” I wheezed, holding onto my chest. “Damn, what a beating.”</p><p>“Is this supposed to be a compliment?”</p><p>My whole body stiffened, and I quickly attempted to stand up, tripping in the process and landing right into the arms of my tormenter. I pushed myself off of him, turning my head away in shame.</p><p>“You’re not fit enough to stand, Eren.” Was that concern I heard in his otherwise completely composed voice? I felt a tight grip on my forearm, and he led me back to the bed. He sat on the edge and looked at me with that uninterested expression which I was slowly beginning to like. “Now you understand why I had to do it, right?”</p><p>“Yeah,” I muttered, averting my gaze. “Still, you didn’t have to go as far as to knock my tooth out and break my ribs!” I folded my hands on my chest and huffed indignantly.</p><p>  He reached out and cupped my face, forcing me to turn back. His finger tapped lightly against my lower lip. The sun was shining through the blinds, sunrays dancing on his pale face, creating golden dots and stripes. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe. The atmosphere was dense, there was something hanging in the air and I wasn’t able to pinpoint what exactly could it be.</p><p>“What are you staring at?” uttered my grey eyed captain dryly, “open your mouth; I want to see the damage.” I hesitantly did as I was told even though I felt a bit embarrassed. There was a quiet gasp and his eyes widened in surprise. “Oh my god,” he whispered, “it already grew back.”</p><p>Before I was able to react, a loud bang on the door shattered the peaceful atmosphere into pieces. “Grew back? Impossible! Move, move, I wanna see!” The red-haired woman with glasses and a goofy smile barged into the room, pushing Levi out of her way. I kind of felt like a lab rat, but at the same time I was glad I didn’t have to be alone with him any longer.</p><p>“This is incredible, considering how beaten up you looked just minutes ago, you now seem to be almost completely healed.”</p><p>“He’s far from that,” Levi muttered, turning his gaze towards the window, light frown creasing his forehead. “You should leave him, Hanji, I’m not done with him yet.”</p><p>The girl gaped at him, “you, you want to beat him up some more?” she asked almost innocently, almost as if she desperately didn’t wanna see that happen.</p><p>I whipped my head around with fear taking over my features, hoping for a negative response. He smirked; I couldn’t believe my own eyes. “Of course not, why would I do that. Now leave, I need to have a word with him.”</p><p>Why did they keep talking about me as if I wasn’t right there? Was I only an object to them, something they can observe and do their little experiments on? My former determination started slipping away and I became a bit self-conscious. I didn’t know what will happen next, will I ever be able to see Mikasa and Armin again? Will they use me as a human shield on their next expedition? Am I just a tool that will be thrown away after a being used?</p><p>“Eren,” the voice was far away, I couldn’t tell if it was actually real. “Eren, you’re shaking.” My vision was clouded, I couldn’t see properly, and I felt like fainting. My knees gave up on me, but right before I hit the ground, two strong hands caught me, lifting me up and laying me back on the bed. Levi’s forehead creased with unexpected worry. My eyes fluttered open and I gulped, feeling like I haven’t drunk for months.</p><p>“Please,” I rasped, “water.”</p><p>The older just man nodded and stood up to fetch a glass for me. I tried to reach out for it, but my tremor became so severe that I managed to spill half of it right off the bat.</p><p>“You’re so troublesome,” he said and supported my head with his free hand while tipping the glass on my lower lip.</p><p>I felt blush spreading across my cheeks, which was something I wholeheartedly didn’t intend to happen, and I tried really hard not to choke up on the cold liquid. What was this man on about? There was a single fleeting emotion crossing his face as he straightened up and went to return the glass, but I wasn’t able to discern it just yet.</p><p>“We’re going to leave tomorrow, so try to get some rest. <em>We need a weapon, not a burden</em>.”</p><p><em>A weapon</em>, that word echoed through my head long after the squad Captain left the room. That evening I failed myself as a man, because I had promised myself that I wouldn’t cry, and yet I did. I wept as a little child and I bit my cheek in a futile attempt to create physical pain that would overcome the pain that was raging in my head. I was but a weapon, a mere I instrument for them to use. My human emotions were no longer considered valid, because I was no longer considered a human.</p><p>.</p><p>“Oh my god,” Hanji didn’t try to conceal her disappointment, “you look awful.”</p><p>It was the next morning and we were just about to set off. I got a horse of my own and vertical maneuvering equipment which I was more than surprised by.</p><p>“But,” I gaped, “what if I wanted to run away?”</p><p>“Do you want to run away?”</p><p>I turned around to see Jean approaching us. He was sporting his army cargo pants and a gray shirt, wicked smirk playing on his lips.</p><p>I frowned, “no, but – “</p><p>“Then don’t ask stupid questions,” he snarled and hopped onto his horse, carelessly spooking the animal.</p><p>“So, you’re going as well, Jean,” I commented, merely and observation rather than anything else.</p><p>“Look, Eren, I just told you not to ask stupid – “</p><p>“Jean, you and Petra are heading out first to scout the closest premises.” Levi interrupted our convo, menacing scowl directed towards the peppy boy. “Don’t fuck around, you know we’re in a pinch.”</p><p>“Aye, captain,” Jean mocked and kicked the horse in its flank, making it bolt up into sprint.</p><p>Levi was seemingly annoyed, he circled me, unreadable expression in his cold eyes.</p><p>“Say,” he spoke up, “did you expect anything else to happen? Are you brooding because I saved your life?”</p><p>I gasped, “no, I just, I –” The older man stayed silent, waiting for me to voice my concerns. I didn’t dare to look at him, I knew my thoughts would instantly be in disarray. I scratched my nape nervously, praying for him to not drag this for much longer otherwise I won’t be able to hold back my tears. “Let’s drop this,” I whispered.</p><p>“No,” he uttered, “I posed a question as your commanding captain. You ought to answer it.”</p><p>I gritted my teeth in aggravation. Why was no one around when I needed them? Why was no one here to disrupt this meaningless conversation? My sight fell upon a small pile of dirt at my feet, absentmindedly stomping at it, I took a shaky breath. “I just…”</p><p>He raised his brows, encouraging me to continue.</p><p>“I just feel like an object!” I almost whimpered and I was so surprised by my own raw emotions that I clasped a hand across my mouth, finally raising my eyes to meet his. And Captain Levi smiled. I blinked, head snapping left and right to search for anyone else his kind expression could be directed towards.</p><p>“Aren’t we all though?” he mused, his voice somewhat husky and ragged. “Aren’t we all just tools of war, Eren? There’s no place for humanity if you go against those creatures. You have to be as coldhearted as they are to succeed in getting rid of them. Coldhearted to them, to your close ones and to yourself.”</p><p>I kept quiet and so he approached me, his firm hand landing on my shoulder.</p><p>“Don’t you worry,” he murmured, and I felt shiver run down my spine. “You have the best armor out of all of us.”</p><p>I nodded and when he retracted his hand, my first instinct was to reach out for it. Suddenly, I was desperate for human contact, anxious to feel someone else’s positive emotions towards me. And he saw my struggle, because this time his fingers briefly ghosted my cheek, reassuringly and calm. My breath got hitched in my throat as I tried to formulate a coherent sentence, but before I was able to, he was already leaving.</p><p>“Come on, Eren!” Hanji’s voice resonated from the stables, “we need to move if we want to make it to the fort before dawn.”</p><p>.</p><p>A distressed sigh escaped my lips as the gate of Trost closed behind us with a dull thud. For a brief moment I wanted to turn around and head right back in, but some weird sense of duty made me dismiss that thought just as quickly as it appeared. We were all just tools of the war, that’s what he said. And so I intended to fulfill my role, as a tool and as a weapon.</p><p>Suddenly a green flare lit up the sky ahead of us, flashing briefly and descending in ashes.</p><p>“All clear,” Levi stated, content.</p><p>We started in the direction where the flare appeared. Silence engulfed us, the clatter of hoofs being the only noise to disturb it. Hanji took the lead while Levi kept his horse within my close distance. I felt my heart racing in my chest, and I didn’t know if it was because of excitement, fear, or the trepidation from his immediate closeness. I gripped the reins vigorously, not knowing how to act, even though it all used to be so natural. I sneaked a peek at him and saw that he was already watching me, expression unreadable. I gulped, feeling the crimson blush spread all over my face and neck.</p><p>“You look nervous,” he informed me as if I wasn’t well aware. “Are you alright?”</p><p>Images of him touching my cheek flashed across my mind like a bullet and my chest ached with dull pain. I heaved a deep breath; this was starting to be a bit too much for me. I wanted to see Armin, I wanted to see Mikasa.</p><p>“I’m okay,” I said, and I knew that If a spoke a second longer my voice would certainly break.</p><p>His eyes stayed glued to my face, almost as if he was looking for something I myself was yet to discern. Cold metallic gray was boring straight into my soul and suddenly I had trouble maneuvering the horse to follow in Hanji’s footsteps. God, why was this happening to me?</p><p>A shriek cut the silence in front of us and we all diverted our attention towards it. I gulped as I recognized the person that was running towards us. It was Petra, face covered in blood and fear, keeping a hard grip on the man sitting behind her. It was Jean and the blood on Petra’s face wasn’t hers.</p><p>“What the hell,” Levi shouted and before he could speak again, a silhouette of something bigger appeared in the mist behind the arriving couple.</p><p>“We used the flare,” Petra heaved, easing the injured man on Hanji’s horse to get herself rid of the extra weight. “But then, but then they appeared.”</p><p>“They?!” I squeaked, once again turning my head towards the deep woods.</p><p>And she was right, because behind the first giant we saw earlier there were several more. Stomping the earth beneath their feet with languid mechanical movements, looking like mere ragdolls controlled by a crazy puppeteer. But they were no such thing, for the doom they carried and the acts of violence they committed couldn’t match the skill of any puppeteer.</p><p>I was scared.</p><p>“Eren,” Hanji called, “you’re the most valuable member of this group. Stay back while we take care of this lot.”</p><p>I gritted my teeth, how was I more valuable than any of them? <em>Because you’re their weapon</em>, my mind spoke on its own accord, <em>they don’t shelter you because you’re a friend or an ally</em>.</p><p>I watched them as they leaped off their horses, using their gears to move swiftly amongst the trees and towards the impertinent giants. Hanji went straight for the nape, slicing it quick and precise. It was a clean cut and the creature tumbled to the ground, eyes rolling into its head. I gulped, fingers tightly clutching the leather reins as my eyes landed on Levi. He was like a panther circling its prey, focused and unbothered, taking down one after another without a single flinch. I held my breath as he jumped off another beast’s shoulder, the line of his gear tangling around his leg. He tripped, sliding along the titan’s arm and ending up in its waiting palm.</p><p>“Levi!” Petra screamed desperately as she saw him being crushed by those meaty fingers.</p><p><em>Don’t touch him</em>, I thought and felt bile rising into my throat. My heartrate sped up and I felt the hair on my neck rising with anger. All I knew in that very moment was that I just couldn’t let the man die. I felt like there would be no point of proving myself to anyone if he wasn’t there to see.</p><p>The ground at my feet was becoming more distant as I stretched towards the sky, limbs only aching in dull pain now that I turned more than once. My tendons were burning, and I felt a searing fire in my heart, an unknown longing which became the very driving force of all the actions that followed. I screamed, fisting my hands and approaching the blonde titan with astounding speed. But before I could reach, I heard bones cracking, and Levi’s lips parted in silent scream, for he couldn’t let himself exhibit something as primal as fear or pain. I hit the titan once in its head and the beast turned its attention towards me remaining unbothered. I growled in desperation, catching the arm which held the group captain and ripping it off the body. Right after I saw a flash of two blades snapping through the flesh on the titan’s neck, ending the fight for good. It was Petra who probably couldn’t look at the scene playing out in front of her any longer, leaving Jean behind and coming to aid.</p><p>I pried the dead limb open, gently lifting the feeble form of my commanding captain. And despite his labored breathing and blood gushing out of his side, he flashed me a lopsided grin. I blinked, laying him gingerly on the grass for others to take care of him. Levi never smiled. I looked around me and when I saw no danger in sight, I began attempting to separate myself from the titan body. It wasn’t an easy task, being held by the numerous muscles and tendons which prevented me from any movements. I pulled and tugged, jerking my head in several directions, feeling the fleshy matter tear at the seams. I gasped for air and cracked my stiff neck, freeing my hands as well and pushing myself into a sitting position. I saw Hanji and Petra swarming around Levi, tending to his wounds and preparing a stretcher they could then attach to the saddles.</p><p>It took me longer than I expected to gain full consciousness, but I knew that I was expected to ride a horse, because I wasn’t severely injured. The sun was setting in the horizon and ominous clouds were approaching us from the north. Rain would be nothing but trouble for us in that very moment. We had nothing to cover our supplies with and Levi with Jean certainly wouldn’t appreciate laying in more liquid besides their own blood. I huffed in indignance, hoping that the fort was close.</p><p>“Erwin and the rest of the squad should be joining us in any moment,” Hanji informed me, hope imminent in her voice. I nodded firmly, trying my best to hold myself together even though my body felt like goo.</p><p>Levi stayed silent in his stretcher, jaw clenched, sweat pooling on his forehead and in the nooks of his clavicles. I bit my cheek, if we were to be met with even one single titan now, we wouldn’t be able to fend for ourselves. The clouds that seemed so far away just minutes ago were now hovering low above our heads, threatening with rain and storm.</p><p>And Erwin with his group was nowhere to be found.</p><p>“Look!” Petra hollered. “Everyone, look!”</p><p>I followed her gaze, and there against the murky sky stood a fort. All tall and menacing in its historical glory. I let out a sigh of relief. Seeing how much blood Levi has lost and how long Jean was unconscious, I was glad to know that they’ll be soon properly taken care of.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The foot tapping habit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Levi is sick and Eren wants to help.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Helloooo, I'm back with a new chappy. It's a little bittersweet, I hope you'll like it!</p><p>Thanks for the kudos! I'll try to upload the next chapter as soon as I can. :)))))</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Eren, you go down to the pantry and bring some moss,” Hanji instructed abruptly as she laid the captain’s body on the bed.</p><p>I nodded, trotting away across the cobblestone corridor and down the shaggy stairs, worn out by time and excessive usage. Despite the adrenaline rushing in my veins and some newfound determination to kill whatever titan that gets in my way, I also felt tired and defeated, worried even. What if Levi’s injuries were graver than Hanji made them seem? What if something permanent stemmed from that gaping wound right under his ribcage? I shuddered at the thought, raking my eyes over the various jars with herbs. Grabbing the moss, I spun on my hell and ran back up.</p><p>“Stop tapping your foot, Eren.”</p><p>“I’m not tapping my foot.”</p><p>“You are, you seem anxious.”</p><p>Hanji dipped a piece of cloth in alcohol and pressed it onto the wound. Levi gripped the bedsheets with his fingers, grunting in discomfort. It wasn’t like I was anxious; I was worried beyond comprehension and I couldn’t even begin to understand why. I tapped my foot a few more times just for good measures and a knowing smirk appeared on Hanji’s face.</p><p>I frowned, “what’s that for?”</p><p>“Dunno,” she said and continued with whatever procedure she was doing.</p><p>Levi was silent throughout this whole exchange, watching me intently from his bunk. I avoided his stare; I avoided the emotions swirling in my stomach. What did they mean anyway...</p><p>.</p><p>It was late into the night when Erwin and his group arrived at the fort. They seemed tired and beaten up. Apparently they encountered a group of titans as well, the only difference was that they got away in much better shape than we did. I was standing on the fort’s rooftop, listening to the distant chattering of the others and slowly immersing myself in my own thoughts. Levi’s chamber was just below my feet and I was wondering if he was asleep. Maybe I should check if he was doing alright. Was I too brash to think that I would be the one that’s fit to do so? I didn’t have any obligations towards the man, but some invisible force was keep tugging me closer to him, bringing me near in every occasion and making me want to keep an eye on him, despite him being more than capable of taking care of his own self. I huffed in indignance and headed towards the exit.</p><p>I didn’t know how I got there, but when my thoughts caught up with my actions, I was standing in front of the door to his room. They were crack open, and I could see a faint candlelight falling upon my feet. Should I knock? What will I say he’s really awake? This is a mistake; I should probably leave.</p><p>“Eren.”</p><p>My head snapped up; how could he hear me? I hesitantly entered the room, my hand hovering over the doorknob.</p><p>“How did you know it was me?” I croaked, looking everywhere but him.</p><p>“You were tapping your foot,” he chuckled, bemused.</p><p>I mentally facepalmed, I should really stop that habit.</p><p>“Thank you,” he muttered, “for saving me.”</p><p>And it was almost as if he was ashamed for not being able to manage the giant on his own. After all, Levi was widely known for being able to kill and mutilate anything that came his way.</p><p>“Oh,” I said, “don’t mention it.”</p><p>He averted his gaze, focusing on the ceiling. Slight frown creasing his smooth forehead. I noticed his breathing came out forcefully, as if it was hard for him to get the air to his lungs and push it back out. Maybe that was why he was awake so late to the night. My body twitched in need to do something to relieve that pain, but I stayed glued to the spot in fear of what might happen if I did so.</p><p>“Are you in pain?” I asked instead and I noticed my voice came out soft, softer than I intended.</p><p>His eyes flickered towards me and I felt a shiver run down my spine. It was all becoming too familiar. So much so that it started to scare me. I was tired, I knew I shouldn’t have come.</p><p>“Not particularly.”</p><p>What a liar.</p><p>“Okay, I guess I’ll be going.” I finally let my hand fall to the doorknob, pushing the door open, ready to get the hell out of that room.</p><p>“Wait.”</p><p>I froze, blinking in confusion. Shouldn’t he want me to leave?</p><p>“I just,” he paused and there was some inner struggle imminent in the strained way he talked. “Could you please move my pillow a bit higher? It hurts when I try to reach for it.”</p><p>And suddenly he seemed very small, vulnerable even. My heart leaped and I felt a warm feeling spreading throughout my whole body. I was having a hard time trying to stay oblivious to all the emotions swirling inside my chest. The man in front of me beat the shit out of me in front of the whole courtroom just to prove his point and despite the pain I went through, I still couldn’t hold it against him for I didn’t disagree with his decision. I could’ve been dead by now if it wasn’t for him. I would’ve been dead. He saved my life.</p><p>“Of course,” I said tentatively, slowly moving towards the bed.</p><p>I leaned down reaching above his head and I instantly knew that I was too close. I felt his hot breath fanning unevenly the nook of my neck, I also felt the heat radiating from his forehead and cheeks. Levi wasn’t doing good and he was far from admitting that to anyone else but himself. Maybe not even that. I ignored the precarious situation I found myself in as well as the close distance I was still maintaining and looked him straight in the eye.</p><p>“You know,” I mused aloud, “I just evened the score. You saved my life before, captain. It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t do the same.”</p><p>I saw his pupils dilate in shock and despite the dimness of the room I noticed how the grey in his eyes got hooded with something darker.</p><p>“That,” he choked, strangled. “That’s not the same.”</p><p>I wanted to argue, but I knew this wasn’t the time nor place. I tugged at the pillow, moving it a bit higher so he could rest his head in the middle of it. His face was so pale and the circles under his eyes so prominent he almost seemed translucent. And despite those flaws, he still looked somewhat majestic, beautiful even. I sighed and moved away.</p><p>“You’re burning up,” I grumbled. “I’ll fetch some water.”</p><p>Levi forcibly shook his head, “no, it’s late, you should be sleeping already.” Heaving another breath, he clutched his side and got into a dry coughing fit.</p><p>“Aight, that’s it,” I grumbled and headed towards the vat where rainwater was stored.</p><p>There was no bathroom in the fort, and it made things fairly complicated. Filling a pail with cold water and successfully spilling some on my feet, I made my way across the front yard, back towards the dilapidated building. Pausing for a second, I noticed that the chatter of the others has long faded from the air and my surroundings were quiet in their threatening stillness. It wasn’t very smart of me to be out there alone, that I was aware of. And so I clutched the pail tighter and rushed inside. My heart was beating faster and my breaths came out rushed, almost as if I’ve just ran a marathon. I refused to admit to myself what could possibly cause it.</p><p>Levi’s temperature hasn’t gone down one bit, in fact, it managed to spike when I was gone and he was now writhing in pain and occasional coughing fits. Sweat was trickling down his face and neck and I could see that he was barely holding himself together.</p><p>So, the injury was indeed worse than Hanji premised. Fortunately, Levi’s chamber was one of the upkept ones, therefore it had a small hearth. I started a fire, deciding to boil some of the water I brought to make tea. The weather grew colder day by day, fall already sneaking up the lithic windows. A deep frown creased my forehead as I heard a quiet whimper behind my back. Levi was a tough guy; the pain must’ve been unbearable if it made him this vocal about it.</p><p>Wetting a piece of linen cloth, I slowly walked to the bed, sitting on the edge and placing a tender hand on Levi’s forehead.</p><p>“Oh god,” I gasped, replacing my hand with the wet cloth.</p><p>“Eren, you don’t have to –” he rasped, launching himself into another fit.</p><p>“Shut up,” I grunted and held him in place so he wouldn’t rip his stitches.</p><p>The coldness of the room dissipated, being replaced with warm from the fireplace. I watched the older man with overt worry, he was sweating profusely, and his breathing was getting more jagged and irregular as the time passed. With a deep discontented sigh, I got up to fetch the boiling kettle. I poured it into a mug, throwing in some herbs Hanji left by the patient’s bedside table.</p><p>“Don’t trash around so much, captain,” I scolded, “or you’ll bleed out on me and I’ll be held responsible after all.”</p><p>He chuckled, he actually chuckled despite the state he was in, and my eyes widened as he looked up at me, flashing me a quick, grateful smile. It was gone quicker than it came because in another second he was back into his coughing routine.</p><p>I picked up a dry cloth and dabbed it over his cheeks and neck, feeling like my face was in fact hotter than the fire itself. Moving away to give myself some space to get my emotions at bay, I grabbed the steaming mug, blowing at it and bringing it to his lips.</p><p>“Here,” I murmured, “you need to drink. Dehydration is another thing I wouldn’t want you to die of right next to bleeding out.”</p><p>I supported his head while he dawned more than half of the liquid and then set the mug back on the nightstand. This wasn’t going well, he should’ve got a proper medical treatment, not a few crooked stitches from the crazy lab lady. I felt him shiver uncontrollably despite the rising temperature in the chamber. So now he was aguish as well. I pulled the covers higher up his torso, tucking the edges so no body heat could escape. Levi’s head fell to the side and he closed his eyes, not having enough energy to stay awake. I watched him drift into a restless sleep, leaving only when I was sure that he wouldn’t wake up any time soon.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. An ally</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Something is coming...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello darlings! This chapter is a little shorter, for that I am truly sorry. But another one will be coming shortly! :)</p><p>Thank you for the kudos, I hope you like this story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been three days and I had no new update on captain’s condition. I mean, I didn’t need it per say, since everyone thought I had no connection to the man and therefore it was widely assumed that I didn’t care. I did care, I was just hesitant to ask and frightened to visit. I bowed my head in overt shame, picking up my blades and heading out to the shed to sharpen them a bit more. The squad decided to wait a few more days until everyone was healed enough to continue their journey further into the woods. I didn’t believe Levi would be okay in just a few days, he needed two months at best. But Erwin didn’t take that into account. I scoffed, what does he even know? This time I will be in the front line, or so I was told. A weapon at hand to be used when necessary.</p><p>“A weapon.” I abhorred the word. “An object,” I hissed, tears threatening to spill.</p><p>“<em>An ally</em>,” a deep voice countered my own.</p><p>I whipped my head to be met with steely grey, endless horizon of murky skies and storming clouds. Blinking, I rose to my feet and faced my captain. It was him after all who called me a weapon in the first place, yet now he was ready to oppose his own self. He didn’t look his best, but I must’ve admitted that he seemed much better than three days ago.</p><p>“Captain,” I squeaked and cursed my voice for breaking on the last syllable.</p><p>“Stop with the formalities, Eren. It’s just Levi for you.” He said, supporting himself on the wooden doorframe. </p><p>I knew the shock was written all over my face and I felt blush creeping up my neck and onto my cheeks. This time I couldn’t blame it on fire, nor could I hide myself in the dimness of Levi’s chamber.</p><p>“You shouldn’t be standing,” I stated matter-of-factly, “your temperature will go up again.”</p><p>He pushed himself off the wall, limping towards me. For a second, I considered to come forward and help him sit, but I knew he might perceive it as patronizing. Levi slumped on the chair I was previously seated on with a painful huff.</p><p>“I don’t think I’m fit enough to continue this mission,” he said and the remorse and embarrassment in his tone was almost palpable.  “I –,” he stopped himself momentarily to catch his breath, “I think I’d slow you down.”</p><p>I crouched down to be on the same eyelevel with him and tried my most reassuring smile, which might have just come out as a painful grimace. I didn’t know what to tell a man whose ribs have been crushed alongside with his pride and ego.</p><p>“Is that a bad thing though?” I mused. “You were courageous enough to depart the city, you decided to go on this mission of your free will. And you got unlucky as many before you did and many after you will as well. Don’t ponder something that can no longer be reversed. You are alive,” I mulled his name on my lips for what felt like eternity, “Captain.”</p><p>He laughed dryly, “you’re quite good with words, Eren. But words won’t help us win this fight.”</p><p>“No, but I will.”</p><p>He looked at me, astounded, and for the first time I saw something akin to hope emerge from the depths of his steely orbs. I felt like my heart was going to burst from my chest just by feeling the man’s silent support. I felt an unreciprocated connection to him, and I knew that severing it would be the best decision, yet I couldn’t bring myself to do it and I fed it like an angry fire, like a hungry feral animal. Gritting my teeth, I turned my back on him in a quiet contemplation.</p><p>“You seem to be struggling with something,” Levi noted.</p><p>“You have no idea,” I retorted, turning back towards him with a rehearsed smile.</p><p>He shifted in his seat, slowly getting back on his feet. He managed a few steps before his legs gave up on him, knees buckling, ensuring an unsafe fall. Luckily it was something to be anticipated, therefore I was quick to catch him before he hit the ground. He hissed in pain, instinctively gripping the fabric of my shirt.</p><p>“Captains should be responsible,” I mocked, but I couldn’t conceal the obvious worry in the tone I spoke.</p><p>Levi just grunted, “I wasted my energy on running about the fort looking for you only to be told that you’re not even inside.”</p><p>I deadpanned, “you were looking for me?”</p><p>He ignored my question. “Now put me down, Eren,” he demanded.</p><p>“Can’t do, I have an obligation to protect my teammates from getting eaten by a titan as well as slipping on the stairs and snapping their spine.”</p><p>“Eren,” he growled, struggling to catch his breath from the pain he himself inflicted. “That’s an order!”</p><p>I started towards the door of the shed, pushing it open with my shoulder and confidently strutting across the backyard. The sun was high in the sky, its rays flashing throughout the treetops above our heads and dancing on Levi’s pale skin. The urge to touch him was now bigger than ever before, I felt in in every fiber of my body, tugging at my heartstrings and messing with my head.</p><p>“We’re now on name terms,” I hummed, securing my grip on his feeble body. “Your order is lacking authority.” I beamed at him and maybe, just maybe I saw a bit of redness tinting his pale cheeks.</p><p>“You haven’t called me by name yet,” Levi muttered, clearly annoyed. But he ceased his struggling, giving completely into my touch.</p><p>“All in due time, Captain,” I said quietly, “all in due time.”</p><p>.</p><p>“Jean and Petra will take Levi back to the city,” Erwin decided. “It’s unlikely for titans to be there, we scouted the area and found no evidence of them. I chose you two because you work well together, and Jean is still not fit to be heading to the dangerous zone.” He looked at the two survey corps members and they nodded in agreement.</p><p>I was furious.</p><p>“But what if they <em>do</em> encounter a titan or, god forbid, <em>titans</em>,” I willingly inserted myself into the conversation, resuming my habit of foot tapping. “How the fuck can a single woman annihilate a group of those beasts, it’s a chore to put it down in one blow if you face only one of them!”</p><p>“I said what I said,” the blonde straightened up, flashing me a grim look.</p><p>“I want more people with him,” I demanded, losing my self-control along with my reason.</p><p>“I don’t think you get to decide what you want, Eren.” He spat my name with venom, and I blinked, being at loss for words.</p><p>Levi sat in the very back corner of the room, looking pale as ever and seeming completely out of it. He wasn’t healing well, and Hanji could only do so much with the limited resources at hand. Everyone was so focused on heading further north that they completely left their captain out of the equation. I froze as I saw him slowly leaning to the side. Not again, I thought as I strode across the room to support his side.</p><p>“Eren,” he hummed absentmindedly. “I thought you weren’t here.”</p><p>“You’re sick,” I said, my voice reeking of desperation. I pressed our foreheads together and huffed in indignance when I discovered that he was burning up yet again. “Commander Erwin,” I spoke gutturally, “I’m coming with them.”</p><p>Erwin’s face turned from uninterested to amused in a matter of seconds. “No, you’re not.”</p><p>“If I’m to be used as your weapon of destruction, I’ll only do my best knowing that my team captain is taken care of. And to be frank, none of you can fully ensure that.” Muffled mutters erupted amongst the party members and I felt heat creeping up my face. “If I go tomorrow morning, I’ll surely be back the evening after tomorrow.”</p><p>“Do you intend to return on your own?” Erwin taunted. “Do you feel like you’re on par with all the beasts awaiting you outside?”</p><p> “Why not?” I retorted, “out of us all, it’s me who has the best armor.”</p><p>And Erwin couldn’t say anything to that, because it was true. Because it was the only reason I came along in the first place. To be a weapon. I shun the thought away. No, to be an ally. And this is what allies do.</p><p>“What the hell are you thinking,” Levi dragged deliriously.</p><p>“You,” came an automatic answer, but I doubted he heard me.</p><p>“What a dumb kid you are, Jaeger.”</p><p>Oh, so he did hear me.</p><p>The door of the cafeteria was suddenly kicked wide open and Connie Springer busted inside along with Sasha and Christa. They came earlier with Erwin’s part of the squad. Nobody had to ask what happened, because their faces gave it all away.</p><p>“How many of them?” Erwin inquired, alerted.</p><p>“Too many,” Sasha screamed in absolute horror. “Too fucking many, Commander!”</p><p>“Go get your equipment,” Erwin hollered. “Eren, you take Levi and follow me.”</p><p>I nodded, swooping the man up and rushing out of the room. We were led to the underground spaces right below the garden shed. Apparently, those who built this humble fort were more inventive then I gave them the credit for. I laid Levi down on one of the many sacks of grain, kneeling beside him and leaning forth to get into his line of vision.</p><p>“Just don’t die on me, Captain,” I whispered.</p><p>He just smiled half dazedly.</p><p>When I was closing the door behind me, I felt like I forgot to do something very important.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Turning point</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Shit is going down, Levi is underground and Eren is panicking. I mean, what's new.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am BACC with another chapter!! It's quite short, I'm sorry for that. But the next one, the next one will be one hell of a chapter, so stay tuned! :))) </p><p>Thanks for all the kudos!! I hope ya'll like the story. :*</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Aren’t I going as well?”</p><p>“You stay low, I’ll go assess the situation and call you up when you’re needed.”</p><p>I wanted to protest, but I didn’t want to push the Commander anymore, and so I obeyed.</p><p>It was silent for a long time, only dull vibrations shaking the ancient fortification. I was getting jittery thinking about what could be happening outside, what could be happening underground. He was all alone after all, surrounded by cold, darkness and dense musty air. I shivered on his behalf and contemplated going back there. But I knew that I would be needed soon enough, I couldn’t just abandon my spot and leave them hanging.</p><p>But my mind still wandered.</p><p>Maybe fate was playing with me, maybe I was foolish for having those feelings. It was uncommon to say the least. Still, I couldn’t help but being hung up on him. I was so dedicated to killing titans, so set on getting my revenge. That anger was still somewhere inside me, only dimmed down, covered with something more acute, more passionate.</p><p>.</p><p>The blow to the roof came absolutely out of the blue. The fort shook in its basics and a few stones landed uncomfortably close to me.</p><p>“Retreat! I said retreat!” I heard Erwin yell in panic frenzy.</p><p>Sasha was carried back in with a broken arm, hissing in pain every time they moved her stretcher. Jean looked absolutely exhausted, spitting blood and gasping for air. A hand landed on my shoulder.</p><p>“Eren,” Hanji pleaded, “we need you. Erwin thought of you as the very last resource, but I believe that now is the time. We can’t keep them at bay any longer.”</p><p>I nodded in acknowledgement, waiting for my rage to spike and for my body to turn. I bit my hand, but nothing happened. All those noises of fear and pain went over my head. I couldn’t find my anger. I was lulled with feelings of affection, forgetting all about wrath I used to harbor in my heart. I sniffled; how could it not work? The situation was grave, my teammates were in great danger, yet I my body stayed completely at peace.</p><p>Hanji’s look was sinister as she spoke, shrewd and calculating. “If they get any closer, the thin ground above the cellars could rupture and crumble. Are you willing to risk his life as well?”</p><p>She knew.</p><p>But it was enough to get me going.</p><p>I felt it instantly, the pull on my muscles, the way my limbs were stretching, prolonging into something bigger and stronger. A human titan. How could anyone deem that acceptable? Why did they let me live? It was all because of him. And it was all because of him that I was now standing in front of a hoard of mindless beasts with gratitude on my tongue and a fire in my heart. I was focusing hard on not losing myself. I remembered what they said at the court room. I hurt Mikasa when I turned. I couldn’t allow, I wouldn’t allow any such error to occur ever again. There was nothing comforting in knowing that my own body could go on a rampage anytime it wanted without my mind having any idea of what was happening. Yet now my vision was completely clear, and my mind was sound. I knew what I was doing, I felt every hit I sent out rippling through my arms, I snapped necks, torn limbs and bit napes. I <em>did </em>go on a rampage, but for the whole time I was aware of my own actions. And for a moment I wondered if my human part was becoming a monster as well.</p><p>I was confident I got rid of all of them. I turned around, seeing only remnants of what used to be a threat. Different body parts were scattered across the fort’s perimeters, unmoving in a breeze of the upcoming morning. I should’ve known when I heard the trees bending… that I left one out. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in the back of my neck. My armor was ruptured in the most vulnerable of all places. I felt panic rising in my stomach when I felt my human body being slowly exposed by the titan’s rough hands. I felt a bone crushing grip around my waist, and I screamed in pain and horror. Someone called my name, but it got lost in the haze that encompassed me wholly. Black dots danced in front of my eyes; I wasn’t getting enough air in my lungs.</p><p>I blacked out.</p><p>.</p><p>“He’s healing fairly quickly, he’ll be fine.”</p><p>“No, we should take him to the city, he needs a professional.”</p><p>“Oh, you’re the one to talk. Besides, why do you care? Don’t tell me you have thing for the boy.”</p><p>“M’not a boy,” I rasped in a whisper, stirring in my unconsciousness.</p><p>All the sound and noises around me came from afar and I felt like I was floating. I was no longer cold and could feel warmth radiating from some nearby source. Attempting to turn to the side, I squirmed in a sudden surge of pain coming from my chest and shooting into my left shoulder. It made my senses much sharper and the dense fog clouding my vision completely dissipated.</p><p>“What the –” I began to curse but was swiftly put back into place by a pair of sturdy hands.</p><p>My eyes finally focused on the very thing they were searching for and my heart was filled with giddiness as I saw Levi’s face hovering closely above me. I felt a strong urge to touch it, to pull him closer. It would be so easy to do then. Although I was convinced that nothing was wrong with me, I still felt a bit dizzy, not trusting my own judgement just yet.</p><p>“Eren.”</p><p>His voice was soft, I’ve never heard him speak in such manner. And the fact that it was <em>my name</em> that’s been spoken got me feeling a certain type of way.</p><p>“I was afraid they would breach the ceilings,” I mumbled, drifting back and forth between my conscious and unconscious state.</p><p>“Gods, Eren,” he almost cried out, “you’re such a damn fool.”</p><p> And then his palm was warm on my cheek, my mind wandering towards the memories from the day we left Trost. How his fingers ghosted my skin and how it filled me with indescribable elation. I was glad Erwin at least had the decency to leave the room. I leaned into Levi’s touch, savoring as much of the moment as I could before it would disappear completely.</p><p>“You killed them all, you know that?” He gently moved his hand onto my neck and I visibly shivered. He let his fingers rest on my pulse point, and he closed his eyes in silent contemplation.</p><p>“All but one,” I corrected, shame tinting the way I spoke.</p><p>“You sound disappointed.”</p><p>“I’m slowing everyone down.”</p><p>He shook his head in dismissal. “You saved me twice now, make it three times and I’ll feel redundant.”</p><p>I giggled and his eyes snapped up to meet mine. “You’re overestimating me, Captain,” I breathed, raising my hand to capture his own that still rested on my neck, right under my jawline. “So, what’s the plan?</p><p>He retracted his hand and I reluctantly let go. It seemed like there was some inner struggle going on inside of him. It seemed like that struggle was the same as mine. I bit my lower lip and averted my gaze; I didn’t want to seem too demanding.</p><p>“Erwin wants you to stay here a little bit longer, I on the other hand, would like to send you back to the city.” He paused himself, adjusting the bandages around his torso. “I’ve been doing quite alright, so I decided to go scout the premi –”</p><p>“What?!” I cut him off, sitting up despite the pain pulsing in my shoulder. We were now on the same eyelevel, Levi looking genuinely surprised by my abrupt reaction. “You’re only doing well because you’ve been resting!” I scolded. I was upset and my voice was oozing with it. “I saw your injuries, they’re not something to be taken lightly.”</p><p>His jaw dropped and he just sat there, unable to say more. Was he still surprised to see that I cared, or did he simply agree with my observations? He shifted his weigh on his other foot, looking aimlessly out of the window. Was that nervousness I saw?</p><p>“Hanji told me that you had some troubles,” he cleared his throat, “that you had some troubles turning. That is until she told you –”</p><p>“I’m gonna slit that woman’s throat,” I groaned, burying my face into the pillows. That situation was supposed to never see the light of day ever again. And yet here stood Levi, Levi out of all people, referring on the exact same situation back to me. I kept quiet for a while, pondering why would he bring that up now. “You know,” I said after some time, “this isn’t a good diversion.”</p><p>He tsked, clutching his side from standing up too long. He was already lacking energy, the fact that he would even consider going out was making my blood boil. I watched him furtively, still pretending to be hiding in my pillows. He looked tired, exhausted even, and yet he managed to act eerie and energetic in front of the others. I saw some sadness in his eyes, it seemed to be embedded deep in his soul, and I wondered if there was a way to help get rid of it.</p><p>“Someone has to look after those stupid kids,” he stated dismissively, and I immediately had a good comeback in mind.</p><p> “You’re the kid.”</p><p>“You’re crossing the line, Eren,” he said coldly and headed for the door.</p><p>“Alright,” I came to my final decision, “but I’m going as well.”</p><p>His hand on the door handle stilled, “don’t be ridiculous,” he said, and it came out quiet, almost a hiss.</p><p>“I’ll be healed by tomorrow; I’m not risking any loses.” <em>I’m not risking losing you</em>. “I’ll see you around.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Lost in the woods</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The scouting group gets attacked, will Eren get to them in time?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay this is gaining on speed, I'm way too excited for this. I'm trying to make things interesting, yet I always end up writing about Eren's mushy feelings towards Levi. Gods help me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I woke up with a foul taste in my mouth. And it wasn't as much in literal sense rather than figurative. Something wasn't quite right about that morning and I refused to admit to myself what it could possibly be. I moved my shoulder and was pleasantly surprised to find out that it was nearly healed, any remaining stiffness dissipating with a few stretches. It seemed that Levi underestimated my healing speed with his yesterday's comment. Erwin on the other hand was right, whether it was intentional or not. He probably didn't have any concerns to begin with and so it was easier for him to come to an unbiased conclusion.</p><p>I could already guess what I would be met with down in the common room.</p><p>"Levi left early in the morning. Christa and Connie went with him, they're scouting the closest area so we know what we're dealing with."</p><p>Erwin spoke plainly and pragmatically, not giving me any more attention than necessary. I didn't know what I expected to hear. I should've stayed awake and go with them. My heart clenched in a sudden wave of fear, the allure of warm breakfast long forgotten.</p><p>Clinging to the last strand of sanity, I tried to overcome my inner hysteria. Why was I so concerned over someone I barely knew? The question was futile, because I already knew. I heaved a deep sigh, praying to my nonexistent gods. Those feelings were becoming far too familiar for my liking. And the more I tried to shake them off, the more persistent they've become. Gritting my teeth, I strode outside the fort. I needed to clear my head, erase all the doubts and replace them with something at least remotely reminiscing hope.</p><p>Whenever I thought about him, about the way he spoke and how he carried himself, about the way he remained calm in every situation, taking the high road no matter what... the way he touched me with in such gentle manner. Whenever I thought about him, I lost trail of all my thoughts and my body turned almost limp, getting warm all over in what felt like eternal bliss.</p><p>
  <em>I was so far gone I couldn't turn back.</em>
</p><p>I kicked a rock laying in my way, visibly sulking. Good thing was there was no one there to see me. Or so I thought. A stray horse was running towards me, dirt and dust flying from its hoofs. First, it occurred to me that it could be feral, but then I noticed the saddle. It was the black filly I once saw in the stables, its mane dark as night, fur gleaming under the rising sun. The horse was Levi's.</p><p>Jumping on an animal whilst it was running in its fastest speed wasn't the greatest idea I've ever come up with. I felt breath being knocked out of me as the mare stopped in its tracks when I managed to mount it.</p><p>"Stupid horse," I hissed, bringing the animal back into a gallop and turning it in the opposite direction in which it was previously running. "Find your master," I spat, only faintly realizing I was talking to a horse, not a dog.</p><p>I followed the trail of hoof stamps pressed firmly into the muddy road. My eyes were frantically raking over every piece of my surroundings, the fear of the worst only growing with every passing minute. Soon I arrived onto a wide opening, which wouldn’t interest me in the slightest if it weren’t for the giant titan body laying sprawled all over the place. My hands shook as I stopped the horse, hopping off and walking towards the dead beast. It was too silent, even the birds stopped their chirping and the air was stale and suffocating. What was going on?</p><p>“Eren? Eren!”</p><p>I spun around and saw Connie. The man was covered in blood which wasn’t his and, in his arms, he held a body. My heart skipped a beat as I realized that it wasn’t the body of the man I was looking for. Christa was alive, talking idly to her comrade, gesturing towards me and then back to the woods.</p><p>“Eren,” Connie said again as he reached me, avoiding eye contact.</p><p>“Where is he?” I demanded.</p><p>Connie merely shrugged, “I don’t know. We separated after the attack.”</p><p>I felt a pull on my sleeve, and I looked down to see Christa with that damn irking hopeful look on her face.</p><p>“He’s in the woods,” she pointed behind her yet again, “he might still be alive.”</p><p>
  <em>Might.</em>
</p><p>“Get help,” I almost whimpered. “Take that horse,” I motioned towards the mare standing unsurely a few meters away, “and get help.”</p><p>“Even if it costs me my life.” Connie briefly but securely gripped my shoulder and then he was gone.</p><p>I dove into the sea of trees, ducking the many branches and roots getting in my way. I tried to ignore the angry tears that were rolling down my cheeks, I tried to find my voice to call for him, but when he was nowhere in sight after over an hour of searching, my world has closed up on me and all I could do was to fall down on my knees, screaming in agony I couldn’t have ever imagined. My head was spinning, my vision floating, and I sobbed like a little child.</p><p>And then I saw it, a piece of cloak laying next to a fallen tree trunk. I discovered another titan, it looked as lifeless as the body of a men laying close by. I blinked, something broke inside me in that very moment, something very vital. I could feel it shattering, leaving nothing but an empty space.</p><p>
  <em>Levi.</em>
</p><p>“Levi!!” I screamed, running wildly towards the man, tripping over my own feet and collapsing by his side. “Levi,” I cried, unable to find any more words or make coherent sentences. “Levi, please, please, please,” I rambled, cradling him shakily in my arms. “Wake up, Levi.” I buried my face in his neck, probably wetting his collar with my tears.</p><p>“My name,” he suddenly whispered, and I whipped my head to look at his face.</p><p>His eyes were hooded and his face pale as snow, he’s lost a lot of blood. But he still got his senses, he still recognized me. I took of my shirt, ripping long strips of the linen cloth and wrapping them tightly above the deep wound on his thigh, trying to stop the blood flow into that part of his body. I checked for other injuries and found out that he ripped the stitches Hanji has made not so long ago.</p><p>“Eren,” he said weakly. I used all my willpower to tear my eyes away from his bleeding side. “Say my name again.”</p><p>How petty could he be even in a time like this.</p><p>“Levi,” I said, but it sounded more like a whimper. I held him close, caressing his hair and breathing in his scent in a desperate attempt to feel something else but the throbbing pain in the pit of my stomach. “They’re coming with help, alright?” I soothed, directing those words towards me more than anyone else. “You’ll be okay, just stay with me. Look at me, Levi, don’t close your eyes.” I rambled as I noticed his eyelids becoming heavier, threatening with slumber. I let out a single sob, hands flailing to my mouth as I tried to stop myself from crying. “Don’t die on me, Captain,” I repeated the words I already told him once. He didn’t respond, it almost seemed as if he was looking <em>through</em> me, eyes empty, void of life.</p><p>I leaned down, being face to face with him, our lips almost brushing as I began to speak.</p><p>“I used to live for killing titans, it was my dream, my only passion. But that changed when I saw you in the courtroom. You were so brash, so confident in your own opinions, so determined to save a life of a person you didn’t even know!”</p><p>By then, I was almost screaming, face stained with tears, hands cupping the man’s face. I was feverish, trying my best to keep my wits together, but failing miserably as I saw his eyes flutter shut yet again.</p><p>“I live for you now, Captain,” I whispered. “And if you die, there will be nothing left for me to live for. If you die, I’ll hunt all the demons of this world but my own.” I paused, rubbing my eyes with the sleeves of my shirt. “For the only one to tame my demons is you.”</p><p>“Eren,” he croaked, his eyes still unsettlingly distant.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“I’m sorry for calling you a weapon back then.” His voice was paper thin, not even closely resembling the fierce staccato of curt words it used to be. “That was uncalled for.”</p><p>I didn’t react to that, I forgot and forgave, pretended it didn’t hurt me. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but it was just keep getting bigger. I choke on my words as I spoke again, tears landing directly on his cheeks, as our faces were still mere centimeters apart.</p><p>"I fucking told you not to go," I scolded quietly.</p><p>His eyes focused on me once again and a hint of mischief flashed across his features.</p><p>"Maybe I just hoped to be saved again," he rasped.</p><p>What an inane way to show affection, I thought sourly.</p><p>"This time I'm not letting you off the hook so easily," I muttered, gathering the remnants of my torn-up shirt and pressing them to his bleeding side. "You're staying in bed until you're fully healed."</p><p>He inhaled deeply, slightly struggling with his persisting cough, surely trying to come up with an excuse.</p><p>"I'll even fight Erwin if I have to," I warned, "I'll beat the living shit out of him. I'll shave his eyebrows with scissors. But you're staying in bed."</p><p>"Aye aye, captain," he said, and I rolled my eyes.</p><p>Levi laughed, but his laugh quickly turned into a whimper, his hands flying to his side, trying to pry away the piece of cloth I was pressing to his gaping wound.</p><p>"No, no, no," I pushed his hand away, holding it in a vice grip as he tried to fight against me. "Stop, you damn fool, you're making it worse. Just breathe, Levi, breathe. There," I coaxed, "just like that."</p><p>"It's still so weird," heaved with difficulties, "hearing my name come out of your mouth."</p><p>I just shrugged, smiling slightly. Levi squinted, trying to figure out what I was hiding.</p><p>"Why though," he grunted.</p><p>What a persistent bastard, I thought. I blushed and against my better judgement, I blurted some things I probably shouldn't have.</p><p>"I - don't know?" I stuttered and cringed as I tried to find a better explanation than the actual true. "Was waiting for the right time?"</p><p>"Oh," he said as he realized my ulterior motives, eyes widening in shock.</p><p>"It's not like that," I fought weakly.</p><p>"I," he let his head fall to the side, movements languidly slow. "I wouldn't mind," he whispered before blacking out.</p><p>.</p><p>"Eren! Eren!"</p><p>Voices of my comrades were resonating throughout the woods. I could hear Connie, Hanji and, surprisingly, even Erwin. Considering the state of our group, he probably wasn't left with much of a choice but join the rescue party. The hope in my heart that has begun to slowly whither was now fully restored.</p><p>"Over here!" I called back to them, tears of relief streaming down my face.</p><p>I've been checking Levi's vitals for the past hour, hoping that his weak pulse and shallow breathing could keep up a bit longer.</p><p>"Fuck," Hanji cursed in her general demeanor, "what a fucking fuck." She quickly kneeled beside Levi and whipped out a first aid kit. Picking up a syringe, she removed the cloth that was once my t shirt and injected the substance straight to the wound. Levi squirmed, but didn't wake up.</p><p>"What's that?" I asked anxiously.</p><p>"Phytonadione," the redhead answered curtly, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "It thickens the blood, you know, helps the wound to stop bleeding."</p><p>I nodded in apprehension, putting my trust into the woman's skills wholly. This whole situation reminded me of just how easy it is to have your whole world shaken up and possibly destroyed. It brought me back to the day when I watched my mother being eaten by the woman titan.</p><p>I shivered, averting my gaze and instead focusing on the monstrous body laying amongst the trees, mere meters away from us. Levi slayed him good, clean cut into the nape. There were no signs of struggle. Suddenly, I sensed a presence behind my back, I turned around swiftly only to be met with Erwin’s face which was way too close for my liking.</p><p>“We ought to go back to the city,” he said, and it seemed that he was opposed to his own suggestion. “The party has suffered way too much for this mission to continue as planned.”</p><p>I sighed in relief. Advancing further into the wilderness in such a state would be unreasonable to say the least.</p><p>“You seem to be pleased with the idea,” he sounded accusatory and a frown was present on his face.</p><p>“Are you not?” I retorted, stunned. “Levi is on the verge of death; Sasha has a broken arm and Jean with Christa are badly injured as well! Are you expecting me to entertain the idea of a suicide mission?”</p><p>He gritted his teeth, probably thinking of a smart response to give, when we were interrupted by Hanji.</p><p>“This is not the right time for a banter, boys,” she stood up, packing her medical equipment. “Captain is stable for now,” she announced, “but we need to get to the fort as fast as we can. The weather is not as warm anymore and the cold will only do him harm.”</p><p>“We’ll leave for the city tomorrow then,” Erwin decided. “Let’s wrap it up here,” his eyes wandered towards the titan’s corpse, “I feel sick just being close to that thing.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The last piece of hope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eren is avoiding Levi and luck is avoiding Eren.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm bearing a new chappy! It's a bit longer than the others and shocking stuff happens!</p><p>Anyways, let me know how you like the story so far! I'm always happy for a feedback. :))))</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“How is he?” I asked as Hanji closed the door to the hospital room behind her.</p><p>“The doctors say that the way to recovery will be a tough one,” she sighed. “But he won’t die, if that’s what you’re asking.”</p><p>“Can,” I paused briefly, scratching the back of my neck. “Can I go see him?”</p><p>“He’s still unconscious,” she pointed out.</p><p>I shrugged.</p><p>“You really like him, don’t you?” She asked that as if she already knew.</p><p>I just nodded in resignation, there was no point in denying that any longer.</p><p>Hanji smiled widely, her eyes turning into two crescent moons. “Just go in already, you fool.”</p><p>She left with a melody on her lips, her steps sharp and energetic, resonating throughout the hospital corridor. I blinked, briefly wondering how it must feel to be Hanji Zoe.</p><p>Trying to find the courage to enter the room, I realized I was tapping my foot. It was indeed a bit obnoxious when I thought about it. I remembered the day when he recognized my presence because of this habit. What was I even nervous for, he was still unconscious, as Hanji aptly pointed out.</p><p>I opened the door and slipped into the hospital room. Our group returned to the city two days ago and since then, Levi has undergone several surgeries. He looked so small under the numerous layers of sheets and blankets. I came closer, seating myself on a leather chair by the bed. I watched his chest rise and fall and thought about that if it weren’t for Hanji’s quick actions, it might have stopped moving for good. I shivered, running my hands through my hair, trying to shun those memories.</p><p>It took me a few more minutes before I mustered the courage to reach out and grab his hand. But when I did, and felt that it was still warm, I was reassured once again and suddenly I felt at peace. I didn’t know how I got to this position, how developed these feelings towards a person I considered a stranger just about a month ago. Towards a man.</p><p>“You’re crushing my bones, Eren.”</p><p>“Captain,” I breathed.</p><p>“So, when my life isn’t in danger, you’re back to the captain thing, eh?” he smirked.</p><p>“Levi,” I corrected myself quickly, moving to sit on the edge of the bed so I could see him better. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”</p><p>He glanced at his bandaged body and chuckled, “I wouldn’t exactly classify this as okay, but why thank you.”</p><p>I turned his hand upwards, making small circles with my thumb on his palm. The nervousness I felt before entering the room was back and it hit me with its full force. “Don’t –” I almost choked on my words, “joke about it.” I didn’t even notice the tears until I absentmindedly touched my cheek. “I was so scared. When I face titans, I’m always anxious, worried even, but… I was never that scared.” My words came out shaky, sentences coming out phrased differently than how I intended. I didn’t know what came over me, but just the thought of losing another important person was so devastating I couldn’t bare it in that very moment. “I –, I need to go,” I swallowed, standing up abruptly.</p><p>His hand was quickly back on mine. “You saved me three times now, I guess I came to terms with the fact that I just need you for my survival. Don’t leave me now.”</p><p>Was that dependence I heard? Did he need me as much as I needed him? Did he feel what I felt? After all, he had said that he wouldn’t mind. But he was delirious back then, he didn’t know what he was saying. Did he even remember what we had talked about?</p><p>“You’re thinking too loud, Eren.”</p><p>I stayed silent, not daring to look at him as to not show the vulnerability reflecting on my face.</p><p>“There’s a place for one more person in this bed,” he prompted, “I could even shift a little…”</p><p>“No!” My head snapped towards him, “don’t you dare moving. You’ll rip your stitches.”</p><p>He smiled. I noticed that he’s been smiling a lot more lately. Even jokes weren’t a rare occurrence anymore.</p><p>“Alright,” he lifted the blankets and his face was expectant, “this much will have to do then.”</p><p>I blushed profusely, it wasn’t like him, to be making such advances. I wanted to give in, but at the same time I was reluctant. One misstep and I could lose everything I’ve built so far.</p><p>“Are you thinking dirty? I just wanted to lay and talk,” he murmured. “Maybe not even that, just being present is enough.”</p><p>“I am not,” I hissed. <em>I was</em>.</p><p>I slowly lowered myself back onto the bed, only now I was toeing off my shoes and shrugging down my jacket as well. I laid next to him, shifting onto my side, since I didn’t wanna take up much of the space. I silently admired his side profile. The chiseled jaw, the perfectly straight bridge of his nose, his thin lips… moving as he spoke.</p><p>“Eren, are you listening?”</p><p>“I’m sorry, what?”</p><p>I was so entranced that I didn’t notice that he moved to look at me as well.</p><p>“The mission failed,” Levi repeated.</p><p>“Oh,” I said, “so, am I being executed after all?”</p><p>He frowned, “I would never allow that. Even though the mission failed, you still proved yourself to be an ally, not an enemy. Erwin has surely already reported that.”</p><p>He caressed my cheek, sliding his fingers gingerly into my hair. I closed my eyes in a bliss of satisfaction and safety. I felt at peace, like nothing in the whole world could hurt me.</p><p>“I think Erwin doesn’t like me,” I hummed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he told them it was me who did all this to you.”</p><p>“Erwin is too pragmatic; he doesn’t like when things don’t go his way.” He moved his fingers across my temples, ghosting my jaw and stopping on my lips. I shuddered, my heartrate quickening. “And besides, I can still speak for myself… thanks to you.”</p><p>His hand disappeared and for a second I felt almost empty. But then he was embracing me, and I pressed to his side, careful not to touch any wound. Was this what love felt like? Or was it too presumptuous of me to think that there was something such as love reserved for me in this lifetime?</p><p>“You seem to be struggling with something,” he murmured, and I remembered the day when he told me the same thing. “Care to elaborate this time?”</p><p>I took a shuddery breath, “I’m afraid that if I do, my illusions of a prefect life will forever disappear.”</p><p>“But if you don’t, will your illusions ever become reality?”</p><p>Opened my mouth to say something incredibly smart, but then there was a knock on the door, and I was bolting out of the bed faster than the speed of light.</p><p>“Levi, can I come in?”</p><p>The voice was Erwin’s, the only person I didn’t feel like coming face to face with in that very moment.</p><p>“It’s open,” Levi said, his eyes not leaving mine as Erwin opened the door.</p><p>The blonde man seemed taken aback for a second. “I see you’re in the middle of something,” he noted grimly, “I’ll return when –”</p><p>“That won’t be necessary,” I cut him off sharply, “I was just leaving.”</p><p>And with that, I left the room, slamming the door behind me harsher than I intended.</p><p>.</p><p>Mondays were the worst; people were getting back to work and new parties were being deployed for missions beyond the wall. I was somewhat expecting to be amongst them, since all I was doing for the past three week was brooding alone in my room in the survey corps base. But I wasn’t called. Mikasa and Armin were deployed a few days before our party’s return and haven’t come back ever since. I was worried, but I knew that wouldn’t achieve much and so I diverted my thoughts towards more pressing issues at hand. For example, why I was avoiding my commanding captain at all costs and why couldn’t I just spill the beans and get it over with. The fear of my feelings not being reciprocated was bigger than my determination to confess them. I was a fool, Levi himself seemed to be quite fond of me. But what if it was just friendliness that I mistook for affection?</p><p>I had to clear my head.</p><p>Heading to the stables, I noticed a commotion happening along the main road. People were flocking into groups, whispering avidly amongst themselves and pushing each other to get as close to the pathway as possible. That piqued my interest and so I changed my course of direction, walking up to the closest group. I recognized a few villagers, but no one I knew personally.</p><p>“Eren,” someone was tapping my shoulder.</p><p>“Sasha,” I said, surprised.</p><p>Her arm seemed to be healing well and her cast got switched for a splint. Although the face that was looking at me was not the one I was used to. She seemed defeated in her own spirits, tired and overpowered.</p><p>“You look awful,” I commented, still looking towards the crowd.</p><p>She chuckled, “thanks.”</p><p>“Do you know what’s happening over there?” I asked, frowning upon seeing that the ever-growing crowd was being dispelled by the garrison.</p><p>“Another party came back from beyond the wall,” Sasha replied, “your friends might be there.”</p><p>I held my breath for a short moment, absorbing what she just said and letting it settle in the depths of my heart. Mikasa and Armin are coming home, I will see them again. I started towards the road but was stopped once again by a hand on my shoulder.</p><p>“Just,” she whispered, “don’t get your hopes up.”</p><p>What was that supposed to mean? And then I thought of Levi, Jean, Christa and many others. How big of a probability it was for people like them to return wounded… or to not return at all. I skimmed the convoy of forces making their way through the remaining mass. I saw neither of them. I came closer, carefully measuring my steps, hoping that the slower I went, the more time was left for more soldiers to appear.</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>It was fine, maybe it just wasn’t their group that I was watching. I didn’t recognize any of those people after all. My heart sunk and suddenly I wanted nothing more than to go brooding back to my secluded room.</p><p>I headed back; the horse ride I’d had in mind was now long forgotten. I thought back to when I last saw Mikasa, how fiercely she defended me back then. She always wore that scarf I gave her, never casting it away. She loved me deeply, I knew that much, but I never even began to comprehend how big of a part my own feelings played in this equation. I always just took, never giving back. I reserved my feelings for someone else completely, and now it was painstakingly obvious who that person was. Not Mikasa. I wasn’t used to affection nor to being affectionate myself. Yet it all came so naturally when I was with him. Ever since the last time I saw him my brain was on fire, frying with the thought of our next encounter. I couldn’t get him out of my head, and I was beginning to fear that my feelings would cloud my judgement whilst on a mission. Seeing him hurt was almost like hurting myself.</p><p>I rubbed my temples, sighing in exasperation. I should be thinking about Mikasa, yet here I was again, head full of Levi Ackerman.</p><p>I was so engrossed in my own musings that I almost didn’t notice the cart carrying bodies of those who weren’t so lucky. They would be buried on a designated spot for soldiers outside the official city graveyard. It was considered an honor, but I always saw it as alienating those who were supposed to be the most important. I wanted to turn away, but the piece of red cloth peeking from under the tarp made me freeze in place. I could not be mistaken, that was...</p><p>“Mikasa,” I whispered, tears spilling on my cheeks. “No,” I whimpered, sucking in a deep breath. This couldn’t be happening, she was the very best out of the survey corps, nothing could ever hurt her. Or at least that’s what I was keep repeating to myself until I actually believed it. I needed to hide; I needed a moment to scream, to mourn, to panic. I frantically searched for the nearest escape, there were people passing by, looking worried and frightened by my behavior at the same. I started hyperventilating, bile rising in my throat as I tried my best not to throw up.</p><p>“Eren,” a voice spoke from afar, “you cannot stay here, people are watching.”</p><p>I knew that, I damn well knew that. But how was I to stop a panic attack on my own? Two small hands firmly gripped me by my forearm, tugging me along from the eyesight of the bystanders.</p><p>It was Sasha, she must’ve stayed close by once she sensed my intentions.</p><p>I gritted my teeth, the pain in my chest was accelerating and the perturbing feeling in my stomach was only getting heavier.</p><p>“I need,” I gasped out, falling clumsily onto my knees, “I need Levi.”</p><p>“No,” Sasha pressed, “you need to relax, you need to breathe, Eren.”</p><p>She gently touched my back, making small circles in a comforting manner. It wasn’t helping at all and I gripped my hair, pulling a handful of strands out as I forcibly tugged on it. I couldn’t hear her anymore and I the only thing I saw was black. I fainted.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. With a man</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>What can I say, Mikasa is a lil bitch.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hellooo, thank you for the comments, whoever was so nice to write them! :))) I love getting response from people, but I never get much, because I rarely finish my stories. Anyway, another chappy! Give kudos and enjoyyy! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What the hell happened to him? Did someone hit him? Why is he bleeding?”</p><p>The questions were rushed, angry even. I tried to open my eyes, but my body wasn’t cooperating just yet. I felt nauseous and weak, still trying to comprehend the fact that she was gone.</p><p>“He pulled out his hair, I couldn’t do anything!”</p><p>That was Sasha, she seemed a bit panicked. Was she afraid of the other man? The other man…</p><p>“Levi, I need to speak to you for a bit.”</p><p>Erwin entered the room surrounded with his usual unbothered aura.</p><p>So, Levi was the other man. How could I not recognize him? I wanted to see him, I needed to open my eyes. Why was it so hard?</p><p>“No, I’m not leaving until he wakes up.”</p><p>He was so stubborn, why couldn’t he just comply once in a while. This will surely get him killed one day. I took a deep breath, suddenly waking up into a coughing fit.</p><p>“Fuck,” he cursed, collapsing onto the bed next to me and gripping my shoulders, waiting for the episode to pass. “It’s okay, Eren, you’re okay,” he whispered, and it had some kind of effect on me. Those sincere words spoken in such gentle manner. He was good to me, I needed him close, I couldn’t afford to lose anyone else.</p><p>I turned around on a whim and wrapped my arms around his waist. I pulled him close, barely acknowledging his healing wounds. I breathed in his scent, burying my face into the nook of his neck. And the world stopped moving for a while, I was completely at peace. There was no death, no pain, no sorrow. Just this immense feeling of love.</p><p>I was crying.</p><p>Levi’s tone was low as he spoke, his voice commanding.</p><p>“Leave,” he said, and I froze.</p><p>For a second, I thought he was talking to me, but then the door closed, and we were alone in the room. He returned my embrace, wrapping his hands languidly around my middle and stroking my back.</p><p>“We’re all just tools of war,” he mumbled, distracted by my sudden outburst. “We have to live with the consequences.”</p><p>I knew he was right, but I didn’t need the truth right then, I needed comfort, even if it meant to hear a lie. But Levi would never live. He was unable to, since it would tarnish his immaculate reputation. I moved away shakily, locking eyes with him. And he reached out to wipe my cheeks, even though new tears replaced the old ones.</p><p>“D – don’t leave me,” I hiccupped.</p><p>“I’m right here,” he hummed, “I’m still right here.” </p><p>I could stare at him for hours; he was that entrancing. I could go for days without the need to eat or sleep if I could stay right there in that very moment. I loved him. And if stubbornness was something that would kill <em>him</em> one day, emotions will be the death of <em>me</em>.</p><p>“She’s dead,” I said plainly, “she’s dead.”</p><p>“I know, Sasha told me.”</p><p>He laid me back onto the hospital bed and continued watching me with an unreadable expression. His hand found mine and he squeezed, warm and reassuring. I wanted to be with him like this under completely different circumstances, I wanted to tell him what I really felt. Yet I couldn’t find the words.</p><p>Finally, I managed to avert my gaze, my eyes raking across the room as I desperately looked after something to focus on.</p><p>“Hey,” he grunted, apparently displeased. “Don’t look away, am I that scary?”</p><p>“No,” I said idly, “but I might as well be.”</p><p>He sighed, leaving my side to walk around the bed and crouching so he could be at the same eyelevel with me. And then he smiled. It was strained, almost forced, but still I couldn’t doubt his earnestness.</p><p>I blinked, my mind going numb. “You’re so beautiful, captain,” I blurted, abruptly covering myself with a blanket and unsurely peeking out too watch his reaction.</p><p>I only saw Levi blush once; his pale complexion didn’t let much blood rush into his face in these kinds of situations. This time was different, his cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink, the color gradually spreading to his neck and ears. He ducked his head, hiding his face in his hands. I shuffled under the sheets, sticking my hand out to grab his forearm.  </p><p>“You don’t get to look away either,” I whispered, cupping his cheek and thumbing the smooth skin under his tired eye. We were silent for a while, watching each other with discreet, but poorly concealed need. “I know what you’re thinking,” I murmured, “this is such a bad timing. But the timing is never right with us, you see. There’s always something that makes it wrong for us to –”</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>“What?” I gaped, my hand falling from his face to rest on my own.</p><p>“The timing is so bad that it couldn’t be better,” he mused, burying his ice-cold stare deep into my soul.</p><p>I felt a tear slip from under my closed eyelid, but I paid it no attention, until a felt a warm hand wiping it away. I felt his breath fanning my lips; he was too close, too close.</p><p>“I love you as well, captain,” I whimpered, because the turmoil suddenly turned into elation and I didn’t know what I was crying for any longer.</p><p>“Oh, please,” he grunted.</p><p>“Levi,” I corrected myself, “I love you as well, Levi.”</p><p>And then he kissed me. He kissed me slowly and languidly, almost as if he was trying to convey something by the kiss. That message was accepted and reciprocated by my urgent need to be closer to him. I licked into his mouth, relishing in the buzzing sensation that took over my whole body. He tasted like tobacco and cinnamon and I felt like it was the only thing I wanted to taste for the rest of my life.</p><p>The kiss didn’t last long, someone opened the door.</p><p>“There’s been a misunderstanding.”</p><p>I bulged my eyes, looking at the blonde guy standing in front of me. His left hand was in a cast, but otherwise he seemed completely unscratched.</p><p>“A – Armin!” I squeaked, scrambling from the bed and running to embrace my best friend.</p><p>“The red scarf,” he started, but I cut him off.</p><p>“I know,” I sniffled, “I know it already.”</p><p>“No, no, you don’t,” he hurled out desperately. “The red scarf was Marco’s! She, she gave it to Marco for good luck,” the blonde paused himself to rub his eyes, “but it didn’t bring him any of that.”</p><p>I dumbly stared at him, none of it was making any sense. “She wouldn’t give that scarf away,” I stated plainly, my face now expressionless. “Mikasa treasured it more than anything.”</p><p>Armin scratched his nape hesitantly, “Marco hadn’t felt quite alright the day before he…” he didn’t finish, he couldn’t. “Anyways, she just, she had a bad feeling, so she gave it to him.”</p><p>“She’s alive?” I asked, stumped.</p><p>Armin nodded his head vigorously, “she’s alive, yes.”</p><p>And that’s how I fainted for the second time in a row.</p><p>.</p><p>It was very surreal to encounter Mikasa after that major misunderstanding that took place the other day. On the other hand, I was quite content with how it turned out. I got my first kiss, a kiss from Levi Ackerman, and I was on cloud nine ever since. Mikasa looked pensive, not overly happy to greet me back once my arms landed around her neck.</p><p>“I see you’re doing well,” she said plainly, “you seem happy.”</p><p>I nodded vigorously at that, “yes, that I am. You’re alive, nothing could make me happier.”</p><p>“Nothing, you say,” she mumbled, looking up to meet my stare, “but what about no one?”</p><p>I frowned, dumbfounded. “What?”</p><p>“You should’ve rather said,” Mikasa folded her arms on her chest, frown deepening, “<em>no one could make me happier</em>.”</p><p>I still didn’t follow, but something inside told me that I should, otherwise I’ll get into some trouble. I ducked my head, thoughts running astray as I tried figure out her motive. My eye twitched as I stumbled upon a certain possibility. I slowly craned my neck to look at her while pretending to be still deep in thought. She was tapping her foot, something I was scolded for many times before. Was that where I got it from? Tugging at the sleeve of my shirt, I slowly moved to stand further away from her. The possibility becoming more and more probable.</p><p>Could she be… jealous?</p><p>“Did,” I began, cheeks flushing deep red, “did Armin…”</p><p>“Armin has nothing to do with <em>this</em>!”</p><p>The blonde interrupted the very moment I didn’t want him to interrupt, he must’ve seen something. He definitely saw something. I blushed even harder. I didn’t understand the situation, Mikasa was like a sister to me.</p><p>“What is the <em>this</em> you’re talking about?” I asked unsurely, watching the tip of her boot as it moved up and down.</p><p>“Let’s cut the bullshit.”</p><p>My head snapped up to look at her and my mouth turned into a big ‘O’. This wasn’t the Mikasa I knew. There was something fundamentally wrong with this whole encounter thing. I took a step closer, but she moved away, almost as if I were dangerous. My confusion slowly turned into desperation. I took a deep breath to speak up again, but she beat me to it.</p><p>“With a man,” she simply said.</p><p>Venomous, disgusted, that’s how it sounded to my ears. Everything around me turned black and I clutched my chest in disbelieve.</p><p>“I should’ve been here to look after you. I could’ve given you what you want.”</p><p>What was that supposed to mean? I wanted to ask, but my voice left me. I had my eyes glued to my feet, giving my all to stop myself from crying.</p><p>“You don’t know what I want,” I whispered, but she was already gone.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. The titans did it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There's big hole in the Trost district fortification and in Eren's heart. Which one will Levi patch first?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Helooo! :) I'm back and this chapter is longer than the others. How did that happen? I don't know, maybe it's the fear of uni that's making me write now because it knows that I won't be able to do that in a month because of the insane amount of studying. Yaaaaayyyy. :')</p><p>Thank's for commenting and kudosing and whatnot, I love you almost as much as Eren loves listening to Mikasa's bullshit. NAAH kidding, i love ya'll rly much, SAY IT BACK.</p><p>Btw.: This chapter might be rly gramatically incorrect, my english has been a bit off lately.</p><p>Enjoy and BYEEEEEE</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He found me in a miserable state. He found me when I did not want to be found the most. I despised what I have become and the words she had said burned under my skin. I was hiding in plain sight; everybody knew where I was, yet no one cared enough to seek me out. They didn’t know if I was sad, or if I was just sulking. In their eyes, I should’ve been the happiest man under the sun. My best friend was basically risen from the dead. But I didn’t seem to recognize her. Maybe it wasn’t her at all, maybe she really died, and an imposter was put in her place. I refused to believe the things she said. My chest was hurting with inexplicable pain, my stomach was churning, craving the food I’ve been denying it for several days. I heaved I deep breath, my body shaking with another surge of throbbing pain. There was a fleeting thought, that maybe I could stop loving him, that maybe I should let myself be fixed by her. I crushed that thought right after.</p><p>I sobbed, face buried in the pillow, hands clutching the comforter so tightly I could feel the nails digging into my palms through the thick fabric. The door opened almost silently, and I heard someone’s feet shuffling, probably toeing of their shoes. I really wanted to turn around to see who’s there, but I had no energy left whatsoever. I heard footsteps approaching my bed and I hoped and dreaded to find out who it was.</p><p>“Eren.”</p><p>My heart sped up, my breath hitching in my throat. I let out a low whine, as if to acknowledge his presence. Then I fell right back to my musings.</p><p>“Oh no, this won’t do.”</p><p>His hands were firm under my arms as he carefully pulled me up into a sitting position. I idly looked at him, but I couldn’t focus on his face, my eyes skidding to the side. I let myself be manhandled by him, being propped by the pillow and having my hair combed carefully to the side with his long fingers.</p><p>I couldn’t just stop loving somebody. I couldn’t smother my feelings just because someone else disapproved of them. My eyes suddenly felt somewhat watery. I blinked, letting the tears stain my tired face. I couldn’t erase a piece of myself. I loved him. I loved him.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>His eyes widened in surprise, and he smiled, gently, with a smile that was reserved just for me alone. Or at least that’s what I liked to think. He moved to sit on the bed, taking one of my hands into his own and kissing the palm of it. He then reached out to wipe my tears. I tried to smile as well, but my face turned into a painful grimace.</p><p>“It’s her, isn’t it?” He asked, careful not to irk me any further.</p><p>I quickly looked away, oddly afraid, and my lower lip wobbled as I tried to give him the answer. I noticed how dark it has gotten outside, I haven’t even woken up properly and the night was taking over yet again.</p><p>“No matter what she said, it doesn’t define you.” There was a light frown creasing his forehead, his steely eyes piercing my very soul.</p><p>“I know.” My voice was weak, lacking emotion.</p><p> “You don’t have to do as she tells you.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“Let me love you then.”</p><p>“W – what?” I spluttered, instinctively covering myself with a blanket.</p><p>He didn’t sound demanding, but he didn’t seem to be suggesting the thing either. My body went rigid and my hands started shaking. I realized my inexperience in this particular field and surprisingly I was at lost. I wanted Levi on every inch of my body, yet suddenly I was afraid to look him in the eye. I felt bare and vulnerable, just sitting there, being devoured by his omnipresent stare. Sucking in a deep breath, I leaned closer to the man, trying to convince myself that this is what I was waiting for.</p><p>A single finger was pressed against my lips.</p><p>“No, not like this.”</p><p>Was that disappointment I could hear in his voice?</p><p>He stood up and my mind got taken over by a single thought. “Please,” I begged, “don’t leave me…”</p><p>Levi then stopped in his tracks, slowly turning around to look at me.</p><p>“I was going to make us some tea.”</p><p><em>Oh</em>.</p><p>He then chuckled and his eyes glistened. Was I the one that caused him to be like this? I felt a sudden wave of guilt was over me.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” I breathed, and he quickly shook his head.</p><p>“Don’t,” he frowned, “be sorry for something you cannot control.”</p><p>“But I want to!” I quickly defended, scrambling to get onto my knees and reaching out to grip his wrist. “I do, I’m just so scared. This, this is embarrassing, but I –, I actually never –”</p><p>“Eren,” his other hand was pressed gently over mine. “I’m gonna go make that tea, alright?”</p><p>“Yeah,” I breathed, feeling almost humiliated.</p><p>.</p><p>“Are you feeling better now?”</p><p>I was sitting cocooned in a blanket, tucked by his side and holding a cup of steaming black tea. The tension was slowly leaving my body and I was beginning to relax into his arms. I breathed in, taking in his smell, tobacco and cinnamon. It reminded me of something akin to home, and I relished in that feeling for it was such a long time since I had a home.</p><p>“Yeah,” I hummed, smiling absentmindedly as I traced the veins on his forearm.</p><p>He leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead. A single tear escaped my closed eyelids and landed on his porcelain skin.</p><p>“Such a liar,” he whispered, swiping his finger across my cheek.</p><p>“I fear that I can’t give you what you want,” I voiced my newly found fear, leaning away from him.</p><p>Levi laughed softly and laced our fingers in what felt like a loving gesture.</p><p>“You don’t know what I want,” he smirked.</p><p>The tension was back. I said these exact words to Mikasa and now I was thinking that maybe none of us knew what we really wanted. Maybe we couldn’t communicate it well enough.</p><p>“Would,” I cleared my throat and moved to sit straight. “Would you tell me then?”</p><p>My heart was beating fast, faster than the day I killed the big titan marching towards the fort beyond the wall. My hands were getting clammy for no reason whatsoever. Why was I so nervous?</p><p>“Hey,” he caressed my cheek, cracking a brief smile. “If I told you, it would be really cheesy and embarrassing, and I would turn into a rambling mess stumbling over my own words saying –”</p><p>“Levi.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“You’re being a rambling mess.”</p><p>“Yeah, sorry.”</p><p>I giggled, clapping a hand over my mouth. “Just kiss me,” I whispered inching closer to him.</p><p>“So, we’re being hasty now, eh?” he murmured, closing the distance and capturing my lips in a short kiss. “Just don’t worry about things like this. Life is long after all.”</p><p>I heavy feeling settled on my chest as I heard him say those words. “Not here in this day and age,” I muttered, collapsing back on the bed, facing away from him.</p><p>“You used to be more determined, more eager,” Levi told me, and he pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his breast pocket.</p><p>I screw my eyes shut, thinking hard as why I decided to change. Or if I actually really changed. Maybe I was like this the whole time, maybe he just brought out something more, something that was rooted deeper than my initial need to fight. The smell of tobacco filled the room and I thought back to how it used to bother me when my father smoked. Now I smelled peace and safety.</p><p>“Love changes people,” I grunted curtly, feeling somewhat hazy while saying it.</p><p>I felt his fingers brush against the shell of my ear, gently, briefly, leaving no trace at all. He then placed the back of his hand on my cheek, feeling the hotness of it. I held my breath; I couldn’t believe I still got flustered when being close to him.</p><p>“You’re so pretty like this,” he spoke all of a sudden, “you should see yourself.”</p><p>I choked on my next inhale, feeling the heat pooling up in my belly and praying for it to go away. Clutching the sheets, I willed myself to get up. I wasn’t ready for any of this to happen.</p><p>“I –, I need to go out for a bit,” I excused myself abruptly.</p><p>I was a whimp.</p><p>.</p><p>Survey corps were summoned the next morning. There was a breach in the wall, and no one knew how it got there.</p><p>“What do you mean, titans?” Erwin shouted, throwing his hands in the air while pacing around the room. “If it were the titans, we would all be laying in a pool of our own blood! Is this a joke? Titans don’t have a strategy; they wouldn’t just breach the wall so they can march in here during the night!”</p><p>“They don’t operate at night,” Hanji pointed out aptly.</p><p>“We have no concrete proof of that, also, your argument is beside the point.” Erwin growled, ceasing his pacing and slumping on one of the leather chairs. </p><p>My eyes traveled around the room, stopping at the lean figure standing unmoving next to the window. Mikasa was looking as well, but her stare was pointed elsewhere. Digging deep into the man I loved. As expected, Levi took the lead, inspecting the map and trying to find holes in our fortification. And I meant that imaginatively, there was a big hole right in the middle of it. But where were the guards when it happened? Where were the people?</p><p>“We need to guard the place at all times, we’ll take turns. Whoever did this probably has a reason to come back.”</p><p>Levi’s voice was deep and chilling, I shivered and the familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach was back. I was so lost in the sight of him that I almost missed the sharp comeback aimed at the captain.</p><p>“That’s bull, you’re basing your assumption on a premise that whoever did this was intelligent enough to know what they were doing. It’s titans we’re talking about, they act solely on the urge to kill and feed. I thought you would put more thought into this.”</p><p>“Don’t talk back to your superior, Ackerman!” Erwin himself sounded surprised as he said those words.</p><p>In fact, everyone in the room seemed to be taken aback by the sudden change in Mikasa’s demeanor. She was scowling, relentlessly tapping her foot and waving her hands in a dismissive manner. I gaped in silent disbelieve, was she really that offended by my love choices? The trepidation I felt until yesterday diminished into something that was more similar to resistance rather than fear. I walked up to Levi, hovering just behind his back, looking over his shoulder and following his finger as he moved it across the map. I felt his breath quicken, not even this subtle change could escape my senses, and I smiled, content with the impact my presence had on him.</p><p>Levi cleared his throat, “anyways, Erwin has the final word on this matter.” He straightened up, slightly pushing me away to keep himself together. I smirked, feeling immensely accomplished.</p><p>“We’ll do it as you say,” Erwin muttered, running his fingers through his hair. The blonde seemed completely unfocused, almost as if something else irked him more than the task at hand. “Now go, all of you. Levi, you stay, I have some important matters to discuss with you.”</p><p>I arched an eyebrow, exchanging a quick look with Jean whose interest seemed to be piqued as well. We left the room, walking side by side towards the exit of the building. The sun was high in the sky and the hole in the wall right under it on full display. It could be seen from miles away and judging by the nervous chatter coming from the inns and houses, people weren’t quite alright with that.</p><p>“Titans did it,” Jean pointed his finger towards the ruins, and I nodded, coming to the same conclusion right off the bat.</p><p>“I agree, there’s no other force that could do this much damage,” I mused aloud, shielding my eyes from the sun and looking in the same direction as my older peer.</p><p>“Mikasa was right, it’s unreasonable to think that they would purposefully come to the same place.”</p><p>I was about to make a snarky high school comment about how he surely fancied the raven girl, but he continued his monologue.</p><p>“At the same time, it’s the most vulnerable spot of ours at the moment, it won’t take long before they discover this inconvenience.” He fixed his jacket that was sliding off his left shoulder. “Levi has a point as well; we should guard that place at all times.”</p><p>Jean then grinned, his murky expression disappearing like an evening spell. My mind seemed a little clearer as well, Levi got the appraisal he deserved, and I didn’t have to start an argument.</p><p>This pattern of thinking scared me a little bit.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Keeping secrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Armin wants to fix a thing that hasn't been broken. Erwin wants to broke a thing that's barely holding itself together. But who will break first?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, to be completely honest... I don't like this chapter. It feels rushed and forced. But I'm uploading it anyways because I start uni tomorrow and I won't have as much time for writing as I've had this far. I wanna start caring for myself more this semester and get my mental health in check. Wish me luck!</p><p>I hope you'll like this chappy even though I don't. I'm always happy to see new readers!  (•◡•) /</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What did Erwin tell you yesterday?”</p><p>We were seated in the canteen, munching on some bean sprouts and other healthy things that I found absolutely disgusting. Levi wouldn’t look at me, in fact he was avoiding me ever since yesterday. I knew something was up and I didn’t want to seem like a doting mother, but it upset me. I was afraid he would do something unreasonable out of the blue and knowing that he would have Erwin’s full support made it even more plausible.</p><p>“Nothing much,” he muttered, watching the egg in his ramen as if it were the last thing on earth.</p><p>I stood up, maybe too quickly, inviting unwelcomed onlookers. Mind your own business, I thought bitterly. Levi dropped his chopsticks, looking up positively taken aback. I didn’t want to this, not here. I gulped, slowly sliding back to my seat. This wasn’t like me, but all of a sudden, I felt like crying.</p><p>“O – okay,” I choked, clumsily taking my tray and rushing towards the exit as fast as my legs would carry me.</p><p>I knew he would go after me and I didn’t know if I was glad for it or not. I heard his chair scraping the floor, his heavy boots hitting the dusty road as he brought his body into a run. I was faster, maybe some of my titan strength shifted into my human body, or it was just the adrenaline that rushed through my veins as I tried to comprehend the reason why I was mad.</p><p>Didn’t he trust me?</p><p>Haven’t I proved myself to him time and time again?</p><p>
  <em>Didn’t he love me?</em>
</p><p>I turned another corner and collided with something firm and soft.</p><p>“You may be faster, but you certainly do lack in organization. I took a shortcut.”</p><p>“Oh,” I said lamely, already thinking of an escape.</p><p>It was so sudden I didn’t even have time to register myself how it happened, but he was embracing me. His hands wrapped around my middle, locking on my lower back, and he pressed his forehead to my chest. I haven’t realized how small he was until now. I was lost at what to do, I didn’t want to be mad anymore, but I didn’t want him to think I was over it either.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Eren,” he grunted, reluctant, and I almost wanted to laugh out.</p><p>What a petty little thing.</p><p>“Are you going to tell me what’s up?” I asked softly, threading my fingers through his raven hair.</p><p>“Erwin wants me to go scouting the adjacent land again.” He hurried out abruptly, slurring the words into something that was barely discernable.</p><p>“So?” I frowned, wasn’t this what we were supposed to do?</p><p>“Alone.”</p><p>I ceased my movements, moving my fingers slowly along his temple and over his jawline, pushing his chin up so he would look at me. His eyes were dull, almost empty.</p><p>“You’re kidding me, right?”</p><p>Levi just shrugged, dropping his arms to his sides. “He says that I can move quickly at night, that he just wants me to assess the situation and come back. I’m not going there to fight or anything. He doesn’t want to send you, because you’re a valuable weapon, and he claims that more people would attract too much attention. I mean, it’s perfectly reasonable –”</p><p>This time I really began to laugh, hysterically, almost like a maniac.</p><p>“Levi, love, this is far from reasonable.”</p><p>“Love?” he blinked, catching me off guard.</p><p>“Don’t deflect attention from the important stuff,” I said coolly, but I felt my face burning up.</p><p>His stern face broke into a smile. He grinned like a fucking idiot, like a schoolgirl who heard her first love confession, and the feelings swirling in my stomach made me want to kiss him or run away. He had crinkles by his eyes when he smiled, I never noticed. He looked like a boy, not like a soldier.</p><p>And before I knew it, I was all over him.</p><p>Touching his face, sliding my hands along his neck and stopping on his chest, brushing my lips gently over his before kissing him urgently, wanting nothing more than to ravish him on the spot. Pictures of him laying naked before me started flashing through my head, getting more and more realistic with every second passing. I felt myself getting hard. I pressed closer to him, so close he could no longer escape. Like he’d ever try.</p><p>And then the pictures changed.</p><p>Suddenly, his naked body was covered in blood, and he was bleeding from his side. I returned to the day when I saw his mare galloping away from the woods. How I almost lost him. It was bound to happen again. If I don’t pay enough attention, it will happen again. Absentmindedly, I reached out and touched that spot, the still healing wound on his right side. And suddenly I held him a little softer, my movements slowing down, my breathing fast and ragged. I kissed his cheek and his look was inquiring.</p><p>“What’s happening?” He whispered, small and self-conscious.</p><p>“Wherever you go, I go, Captain,” I whispered back, cupping his pale cheeks and immersing myself into one last languid kiss.</p><p>“Erwin won’t be happy,” Levi hummed, fingers digging slightly into my back.</p><p>I straightened up, smoothing my hair to look less suspicious and turning back towards the canteen. For some odd reason, my appetite was back.</p><p>“Erwin can suck my dick!” I shouted after Levi, resolutely pacing away.</p><p>It lasted only seconds before I heard shuffling of feet behind me.</p><p>“Heeee!?”</p><p>He took the bait.</p><p>.</p><p>The river flow was slow, it was almost as if it was dying under the burning sun. The city was lacking water, it was widely assumed that in fifty years there will be barely enough for twenty percent of the population. As if the situation wasn’t grave enough. I frowned, as much as it pained me to say it, this was a tomorrow issue. Who needs water if there’s no one to drink it?</p><p>“What are you doing here?”</p><p>The voice was hesitant, almost fearful, and I turned around to see my friend nervously shuffling his feet a few meters away. Did he come all the way up to the wall just to see me?</p><p>“You know, I don’t bite, Armin.”</p><p>I didn’t mean to sound sarcastic, but it came out exactly like that. Sarcastic and mean, that’s how I seemed to be now. The blonde didn’t do anything wrong, I had to keep convincing myself of the fact.</p><p>“Look, Eren, I’m sorry alright? I didn’t thing she would say such things –”</p><p>“What things?” I cut him off, walking up to him expectantly.</p><p>Armin’s blue pupils dilated in silent realization.</p><p>“She,” he stammered, “she must’ve said something to you!”</p><p>“She did not,” I mused lightly, playing dumb and scratching my nape in faked confusion. “Does this mean she had said something to you?”</p><p>Here he was, typical Armin, scared and unarmored, backing away in hopes that he could escape this.</p><p>But I wouldn’t let him.</p><p>“Come on,” I ducked my head, shielding my face with my hair to prepare a pleading look. “Tell me, I want to hear it. I can handle it.” I looked up, trying to appear as betrayed as I actually felt.</p><p>“You should ask her directly,” the blonde muttered, “I want nothing to do with this.”</p><p>“<em>This</em> meaning <em>me </em>deciding what to do with <em>my</em> life?” I bit. “Oh, come one, Armin, you’re better than this.”</p><p>He put his hands on the maneuver gear fastened to his sides, dragging a long inhale. His doe blue eyes seemed lost in thought, surely searching for ways to avoid this confrontation altogether.</p><p>“Why can’t we all be friends again?” he sighed longingly.</p><p>I tsked, turning my attention back to the slow river stream. What a dumb question.</p><p>“Don’t you think that’s what I should be asking?”</p><p>I knew what he thought, that it would surely all be much easier if I simply decided not to do any of <em>this</em>. That it was my fault that our friendship was on the edge.</p><p>“She called you things, you don’t want to hear it.”</p><p>And with that he left. Leaving me alone on my sentinel, gutted by what he said but still somewhat contented with the fact that I now knew for sure. The city was silent, the horizon seemingly steaming under the burning sun, and my tears drying on my cheeks as fast as they appeared, leaving salty traces all over my face.</p><p>.</p><p>“Anything suspicious?” Sasha asked while changing shifts with me.</p><p>Her hand was now completely healed thanks to Hanji’s undying care and loads and loads of food which Connie sneaked from the canteen for her.</p><p>I just shook my head, brushing past her and rushing towards the headquarters. Levi was supposed to be leaving in a few hours, I needed to be there in advance in case Erwin pulled out something funny. Something like sending the man beyond the wall earlier than planned or tasking him with some more unreasonable things to do.</p><p>I was right, Levi was just tying his shoes by the building’s entrance, his mare discontentedly huffing a few meters away. I frowned, walking up to him and roughly grabbing him by his shoulder.</p><p>“Ouch,” he whined, “what was that for?!”</p><p>“You said you wouldn’t go without me!” I accused, sniffling like a stubborn child.</p><p>“Firstly, I never said that,” he refuted with a smirk, “and secondly, I was just about to go get you. I was allowed a plus one.”</p><p>My face lit up like a sun and suddenly I was full of elation. “Really?” I almost squealed, “you dared to ask?”</p><p>“Well, I might have mentioned that the plus one was being pretty persistent.” He barked out a loud laugh, elbowing me as he walked past me.</p><p>Something was up. He was too cheerful.</p><p>I grabbed his wrist before he managed to escape. “Levi, tell me what’s wrong,” I whispered, gently pulling him back.</p><p>“Asks someone whose face is stained with tears,” he muttered, but didn’t turn away this time.</p><p>I chuckled, “you noticed.”</p><p>He raised his hand to cup my cheek, gently ghosting his fingers over my skin. “How could I not,” he mused half dazedly as he looked at me with an expression I was yet to understand. “I can read you like a book, love.”</p><p>And I knew it was just a reference to what I had said before, but it still made me shiver as if the word was something very vital to my existence. I closed my eyes, not caring about the tears that threatened to escape.</p><p>“They saw titans roaming around north east from here.” He brought me from my state of bliss and suddenly I was on high alert again.</p><p>“What?” I sucked in a deep breath. “What?” I repeated just for a good measure.</p><p>“I know,” he hummed, “I wonder if it were them who did it.”</p><p>My thoughts were completely elsewhere.</p><p>“We don’t have to go now, right?” I asked hopefully, trying to keep myself in high spirits. “You don’t have to go, they just wanted you to bring this exact information to them!”</p><p>Levi slowly shook his head; I noticed his fresh undercut. It suited him well, and under any other circumstance I would reach out and touch the exposed skin on his nape.</p><p>“Erwin wants something more specific, their numbers, types, speed. I need to get close to them to find out about these things.”</p><p>I frowned; we didn’t agree on this. He was supposed to find out if there were any titans nearby. There were, that was it. I gently touched his slouched shoulder; I didn’t even feel like scolding him for his posture. He sighed, cracking a small smile.</p><p>“Will my disagreement with this madness change anything?” I whispered as he stepped closer to me, wrapping his arms tightly around my middle.</p><p>“Yeah,” Levi murmured, “my determination. The feeling of being loved, being needed, that itself is enough to try and live a little bit longer.”</p><p>I chuckled dryly, “that’s wasn’t the kind of romantic I was imagining when I met you at the court room.”</p><p>He stilled in place, “you,” he choked, blushing profusely, “you liked me back then?”</p><p>“From the very first sight, captain,” I responded playfully, grinning down at him. “From the very first punch that landed on my face.”</p><p>“Oh, shut up, you big baby,” he grunted, but the tightness of his embrace seemed a little softer.</p><p>“Okay, so we’re going.”</p><p>“Yep.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. An empty sentiel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eren turns, almost going berserk. The only thing that keeps him in check is his fatigue and Levi... who's scared out of his wits.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, I am coming with another chapter! I didn't want to at first, but then I thought I don't want this to be another one of my unfinished stories (trust me, I have MANY). </p><p>I started uni and it's all online because of rona. I also tried to fix a friendship that I broke off like nine months ago. I don't think it's working, I'm very bad at keeping friends... I'm either too distant or too pushy. I don't think she wants to be friends anymore, but I am a huge overthinker, so that might not be it. I fckin missed her, but I guess I let this friendship slip through my fingers. </p><p>Anygays, I am being too personal today. ENJOY THE CHAPPY BABIES. Kudos and comments highly appreciated to lift my ego.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was already dark outside when we left the city behind, feeling the cold night wind on our skin as the horses galloped over the silent heath. I eyed our surrounding warily, prepared to bolt at the slightest noise or movement. Levi seemed unbothered, eyes on the road, fingers tightly clutching the reins. We were lucky that the night was bright, the moon shedding its glow upon the land, leaving blueish speckles of light on Levi’s pale skin. We entered a small forest in hopes that we could hide for a bit from any potential enemy.</p><p>Levi jumped off his mare and walked towards the tallest tree in sight. I realized his intentions and quickly followed suit. We climbed at the very top, using the wood as our temporary sentinel.</p><p>“You know, you won’t be of much help if you keep looking at me alone,” Levi grunted, eyes still lost somewhere in the distance.</p><p>“Can’t help it,” I muttered, averting my gaze, “you’re distracting me.”</p><p>I heard a low chuckle and a wide smile split my own face as I pressed a little closer to the trunk, resisting the strong wind that suddenly took over the calm night sky.</p><p>“Eren,” Levi said, suddenly alerted.</p><p>“W – what,” I stuttered, trying to stand still on one of the highest and most fragile branches.</p><p>“Look,” he breathed, and my heart stopped for a second as I sensed the fear and pain in his shaky voice.</p><p>The titans, the were coming towards our hiding. Approximately a dozen of them. Running.</p><p>Levi was breathing heavily, suddenly clutching his scarred side. He looked at me and his pupils were wide in panic. His breathing was erratic and I could see that his grasp on the tree trunk was getting weaker. An unhealed trauma from his last encounter with these monsters was manifesting itself. A panic attack.</p><p>“God, Levi,” I whispered and felt my pulse accelerating, my brain trying to figure out the best way out of this.</p><p>I knew the best way out of this, I knew it deep down; I just didn’t want to admit that I did. I had to change, there was no time thinking it over and the timing was just immaculate. Levi was in danger. I grasped the man by his waist and hosted him over my shoulder. His protests were much smaller than I anticipated, diminished by the paralyzing fear.</p><p>“Hang in there, love,” I whispered as I climbed back down.</p><p>I knew the direction they were coming from. That was enough for me to face them in my titan form, I felt the blood boiling in my veins even before my feet touched the ground. I laid him in the grass, gently ghosting his pale skin with my fingers before straightening up. I faced the darkness in front of me, ready to change into something scarier than what I already was, something more proper for fighting. <em>We need a weapon, not a burden... </em>I remembered him saying those words as clear as a day. I wondered if he still believed them.</p><p>A feeble hand wrapped around my wrist, I looked down at him, ready to scold him for being so irresponsible. What if I went berserk? I should stay away from him.</p><p>“Please,” he sobbed, hot tears streaming down his cheeks, voice strained and hoarse, “just don’t die. Don’t die, please don’t –”</p><p>I crouched down and kissed him, pressing him into the grass and wetting his hair in dew. I tried to be gentle, but my thoughts were racing and my blood was getting too hot. I felt as if my body was about to fall apart any second. I kissed him hungrily, eager for every last bit of normalcy there was. His movements were slow, but he was just as willing. He tugged at my hair and my jacket, sliding his hands in every improper area he could find. It was too much, I needed to get away.</p><p>“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whispered, pressing one last lingering kiss to his collarbone.</p><p>And then I was gone.</p><p>.</p><p>The thing that scared me the most was that it almost seemed normal to me. Running into the rave of those mindless creatures like a wild animal, screaming, tearing their limbs off, mutilating to the worst extent… <em>killing</em>. And suddenly I wasn’t that opposed to his words, because I indeed was a weapon. Protecting those who couldn’t protect themselves. But at what costs?</p><p>Holding a head of one of the beasts in one hand, I bolted towards the rest, throwing it like a bowling ball. It hit a smaller titan, making a dent in the creature’s own immaculate visage. I laughed and it sounded cruel to my ears. Maybe this was what losing oneself felt like. I blinked, turning around momentarily, searching deftly in the woods. I couldn’t see him, and I didn’t know if it was because the night was getting darker or because my eyes got clouded by lust. The lust for killing.</p><p>I continued my rampage for another hour, then I began to lack energy. There were still two of them left, tall and menacing, circling around me almost as if they had a plan. I forgot how many I’ve killed. I forgot how many of them there were in the first place. My muscles were burning, tendons protesting as I stretched once more towards the beast’s nape. It caught me by surprise, a move I would’ve never expected any of them to make. It tripped me with its foot. I fell to the ground, heavy and absolutely exhausted. They stood above me, each on one of my sides, looking somewhat disheveled in their waggish appearance.</p><p>I hoped Levi managed to escape. I did a good job protecting him. Now I would meet my end. Funny, I wasn’t even put into action yet, Hanji hasn’t done enough experiments. The one and only weapon is about to get lost. I must leave the titan body; I need to wake up. Need to wake up…</p><p>
  <em>They were falling. Right before I closed my eyes, I saw them falling. I might have dreamt it, the swift movements of his blades, the determination he held in his heart. I fell unconscious. </em>
</p><p>I felt a pull, someone was ripping me of the titan body. I stirred, not fully waking up. The tearing of flesh should be a noise well known to my ears, and yet I unconsciously felt somewhat uncomfortable while being separated from my monster self.</p><p>“Eren –”</p><p>His voice still trembled, and I wanted nothing more than to tell him that it was alright. The beasts were gone, for now, and if we managed to get home by sunrise, there should be nothing to worry about.</p><p>
  <em>Duh, the titans didn’t operate at night.</em>
</p><p>My eyes snapped open and I took a deep breath, feeling my lungs expanding a like plastic balloon. The titans did operate at night. Not to mention they were even pretty quick and agile. This was new. It wasn’t long before I noticed that I was laying on something soft, softer than a regular muddy ground. I looked up to see his worried face. Thighs. I shivered.</p><p>“Are you cold?” he asked, blinking.</p><p>His voice, so deep and mellow. It warmed me up. I wanted to hear it more often. Again, I was so close to losing him. I reached out, placing a hand on his cheek. He snuggled into my palm, kissing my wrist tenderly.</p><p>“Not in the slightest, it’s pretty warm down here,” I teased, pleased with the pink tint spreading across his cheeks.</p><p>“You,” he wavered, “you killed them all.”</p><p>There was something in that look of his that I couldn’t quiet discern. I cringed internally, thinking how it must feel… loving a beast.</p><p>“Not all,” I tried to play it off as a minor thing.</p><p>He stayed silent, turning his gaze towards the bright sky. The stars could still be seen, but the sun was already sneaking its way towards the horizon, outlining the distant mountains. It was truly beautiful, but we were still in a danger zone and I wasn’t sure if I could manage to turn once more.</p><p>“Are you scared of me?” I asked, dreading the answer.</p><p>“I’m scared <em>for </em>you.”</p><p>He was very good with words. He was good to me. And I was sure that the tears that stained my face were those of happiness.</p><p>“We should go,” he sighed and, reluctantly, I had to agree.</p><p>I wanted to stand up, but…</p><p>“Levi,” I gasped, “they won’t move!”</p><p>The smaller man frowned, “what won’t move?”</p><p>“My legs,” I cried, hysterical and frightened. “My legs, I don’t feel them at all! Levi, I –”</p><p>“Shh, it’s alright,” he quickly soothed, even though his voice was just as panicked as mine. “We’ll get back to the city and Hanji will think of something. Just, calm down, calm down baby, I’ll take you home.”</p><p>I didn’t know if I just imagined it, but I thought his hands were shaking as he gently slipped them under my back and knees and clumsily lifted me up. What was happening? I was walking mere minutes ago! If I’m not here to protect him, why am I even here. My nimbleness, my agility in battle, those were the thing I was known for. Those were the things I was used for.</p><p>“Don’t worry,” I heard him whisper right above me as I placed my head on his shoulder. “You’ll pull through, you always do. We always do.”</p><p>We arrived on the spot where we left our horses. Levi’s mare was still there, but mine was nowhere to be seen. He tsked, hoisting me up on his horse.</p><p>“As if we weren’t troubled enough.”</p><p>I’m the trouble, I thought briefly, but shunned that idea away.</p><p>Levi unfastened his leather belt and strips that held the gear around his waist and thighs. I watched it with great interest, feeling my neck getting hot and gripping the saddle with both of my hands hard enough to leave marks in the leather. I gulped as he took off the last bit of the equipment and vaguely wished for him to continue the show. He stepped up to the mare and began to wrap my legs tightly to the stirrups. I understood what he was doing, and my chest swelled with gratitude. He was so gentle in his approach; in everything he did for me.</p><p>“You should’ve taken mine,” I mumbled, “what if we get attacked again?”</p><p>“Yours got ruined during my attempts to pull you out of the titan’s body,” he pointed out.</p><p>I did not remember this little detail.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he hummed as he hopped onto the animal as well, settling right behind me. One of his hands sneaked around my front to press me tightly to his chest, the other one grabbed the reins.</p><p>And we were off. With twelve titans killed, crippled weapon and a new finding that the beasts indeed did operate at night. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Take me, Eren!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Okay, so Mikasa has lost her fucking mind. I don't know how I got here but just know that I have a tendency to make the nicest characters into the worst ones. So I AM DEEPLY SORRY for this chapter. She just wants to fuck and have babies and Eren is gay and doesn't fucking go together. Maybe I'm pouring my real life into this chapter but deal with it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! Uni is killing me, so what does that mean?! I'm procrastinating by writing weird stuff. Sue me. I think this chapter is mediocre, but the next one... be ready for the next one hehe. :3</p><p>Okay babies, kudos and comments appreciated as always. Love yaa. Byeee.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“How could you let that happen?” Erwin turned his accusatory stare towards Levi.</p><p>I was bound to a hospital bed once again; it was beginning to feel weirdly nostalgic. I frowned, inspecting the bleach white ceiling. What was that supposed to mean?</p><p>“I’m sorry, I lost myself,” Levi scratched his nape, humiliated. “I just, I couldn’t do anything.”</p><p>“That’s bullshit,” I spat, and Erwin’s grim look was suddenly trained on my face. “Stop guilt tripping him, he fucking saved my life.”</p><p>Levi blinked, seeming somewhat content with the praise, but still not fully convinced.</p><p>“Eren,” the blonde man spoke sweetly in a mocking manner. “If you can’t walk, you’re as good as dead.”</p><p>A shadow covered the dim room like a blanket, or maybe it was just something my mind had fantasized. Everything got dark and murky and I felt a stinging pain in my heart. He was right, now that I didn’t serve as a weapon, I was to no use. I wasn’t particularly good at anything, I was lacking discipline as well, the only thing I was good for was –</p><p><em>Bang</em>. Erwin staggered, momentarily balancing himself on his left heel and proceeding to fall down with a loud thud.</p><p>I gasped, clutching the sheets in my hands. “You,” I squeaked, “you hit him.”</p><p>“That I did,” Levi affirmed, looking at the unconscious body of his superior. “And I’m glad I did.”</p><p>“But,” I began to argue, trying to scramble to the edge of the bed so I could see the man on the ground more clearly. If I didn’t notice the regular rising and falling of his chest, I would’ve assumed he was dead. “You’re so gonna get punished.”</p><p>Levi slumped on the bed next to me just as the door to the room flied wide open, leaving a fuming woman standing in its wake.</p><p>“What the fuck,” Hanji burst. “What happened to you, Eren?” she cooed, “what did they do to you?”</p><p>And before I managed a single word, she was touching me all over. Trying my pulse, looking for injuries, moving my leg just for the sake of it. Levi looked positively disturbed which, with no doubts, pleased me to no end.</p><p>Hanji suddenly ceased her movements, stiffly turning to look at the ground. Her eye began to twitch as she spotted Erwin’s unmoving figure.</p><p>“What,” she whispered as if someone else could possibly hear, “is that?”</p><p>I really wanted to giggle, but this wasn’t the time. She slowly turned back to us, squinting behind her glasses and reaching her trembling hand towards Levi.</p><p>“What have you –”</p><p>The blacked haired man swatted her away, brows knitting into one straight line.</p><p>“It’s what he deserved.”</p><p>“Levi,” she whined, “you shouldn’t be attacking your superior!”</p><p>“Well, he shouldn’t be attacking my boyfriend,” the man brusquely retorted, stopping himself only after the gasp Hanji let out.</p><p>My surprise wasn’t any smaller, my mouth ajar, eyes almost falling out of their sockets. I was bewildered to the highest level, unable to form a coherent sentence. I felt a lump in my throat as I attempted to speak, and so I pursed my lips, frantically searching for ways to react.</p><p>Levi’s own words started slowly catching up with him. He looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights, and I smiled soothingly, reaching my hand towards him. But he didn’t comply, backing away and disappearing behind the heavy wooden door. I let my arm fall back onto the sheets, sighing in defeat.</p><p>“Now,” I turned to Hanji, scowling, “you made him say it.”</p><p>“I –” she deadpanned, “a – aren’t you glad?!” The mischievous spark in her eye was back as she kneeled beside Erwin’s limp form, probably already thinking about the endless possibilities of dissecting a human body.</p><p>I was completely silenced by this single sentence. The truth was, I was immensely glad. But that wasn’t something I wanted her to know.</p><p>“Oh, he’s waking up,” Hanji pointed out as she saw the man stir. “Good, now I’m gonna have to assist you <em>and your boyfriend</em>, cause he’s definitely gonna go and try to murder him.”</p><p>I blushed the way I never did before. I felt my blood boiling under my skin, burning every last sense of sanity I had left inside me. I slumped back onto the bed, huffing as I hit the white hospital sheets.</p><p>“I want to go see him.”</p><p>Hanji slightly shook Erwin, helping him out of his limbo. She frowned as he closed his eyes, limply falling back to the ground.</p><p>“Go then,” she muttered, slapping the unconscious man harder than what would be considered necessary.</p><p>“Stop fucking with me,” I snapped, and she rubbed her temples in exasperation.</p><p>“Sorry, I forgot,” she grunted, getting back on her legs. “Erwin’s alright, he’ll get back to himself in a few minutes. I suppose you’d prefer to be gone by then.”</p><p>I nodded enthusiastically, pulling myself up on my elbows and expectantly watching the tall woman. She came to sit on the edge of my bed, taking a deep breath before she spoke.</p><p>“I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with you, Eren. This,” she motioned to my nonoperative legs, “has something to do with your nervous system. You suffered a shock which led to some kind of a block in your head.”</p><p>“What are you trying to say?” I squinted at her, aggressively biting my inner cheek.</p><p>“Mind over matter, Eren,” she shrugged, getting up to get me a wheelchair.</p><p>.</p><p>I couldn’t find him despite wheeling around for hours on end. Why would he get so anxious? It was something we both knew deep inside, then how did we end up so taken aback? I huffed, pushing myself as I tried to get the wheelchair up on the nearby hummock to get a better view. What a situation, almost laughable, yet stressful at the same time. First, I was a little upset that he didn’t trust me enough to stay in that room so I could let him know that we’re on the same boat, but the anger quickly dissipated into something much less poisonous. Levi probably troubled himself over what had happened, he probably blamed himself for not being able to interject straight away. He thought of himself as of a coward. I needed to find him, I needed to hear him say it once again.</p><p>“You’re in a wheelchair.”</p><p>I snapped my head back almost breaking my neck. “Mikasa…”</p><p>“Do you need some help? Why are you trying to get up there anyways?” And without any response she gripped the handles of the chair, pushing me up.</p><p>She didn’t get breathy while climbing onto the top; she didn’t seem tired either, just very gloomy. I watched her furtively from my peripherals. Mikasa was a pretty woman, but she was also my best friend and I was totally not straight. And just as I was trying to find a way to balance those two, she stopped her movements to walk around the wheelchair, kneeling in front of me. It was so quick I almost didn’t catch it, but suddenly she was there, between my legs and too close to my liking.</p><p>“Take me,” she demanded, “solve your confusion once and for all, Eren.”</p><p>I felt my face burning up like embers.</p><p>“I am,” I stammered, “I am <em>not</em> confused, Mikasa. You’re the one confusing things for what they’re not.”</p><p>I saw a fleeting hint of rage crossing her rosy cheeks as she looked up at me. Her hands slid from the arm supports and into my lap. I halted, breath hitching in my throat as I felt her fingers travelling up my thigh. This couldn’t be happening. I tried to scream, scream for him to come, but my voice got stuck and I couldn’t say a thing. Was I – was this cheating? The sound of something unzipping was like an echo to me, my brain stopped catching up, refusing to accept the situation I so unexpectedly found myself in. I felt hot tears staining my face, why wouldn’t I move? I was on the verge of fainting when she touched me for the first time.</p><p>“Levi,” I sighed, seeing blue, my head lolling to the side, eyes lost in the sky.</p><p>I felt her breath on my skin, and I screw my eyes shut. My hands wouldn’t move. My hands –</p><p>“You’re one crazy bitch.”</p><p>The woman in front of me suddenly lost all that I deemed pretty. She attempted to speak but was roughly yanked back by her hair. His steely stare was unforgiving and for a while I thought he was about to beat her up.</p><p>“We may share a surname, but we surely don’t share our manners.” He snarled, tightening his grip on her hair, pulling some out. “If I ever see you near him again, I’m gonna forget you’re a woman.”</p><p>“You’re a poor excuse of a man,” she gritted through her teeth, “you ruined everything. Everything.”</p><p>And if I didn’t feel like fainting, maybe I would hear the badly disguised pain in her voice.</p><p>“Let’s fix this first,” Levi grunted, leaning down and gently tucking me in. “I’m fucking furious Eren, if I had your abilities, this whole district would be in flames.”</p><p>I smiled softly, eyes fluttering to meet his. “Levi,” I whispered, “my hands…”</p><p>“What’s with your hands?” He seemed concerned.</p><p>“They don’t,” I hummed, “they don’t work anymore, Levi.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Love me, or I'll fall apart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eren is trapped and Levi is trying to salvage what he can.<br/>This is no real smut, I'm VERY bad at writing smut. However I LOVE soft shit, because I ain't getting none of that and I like to project. :))</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If someone wondered what's with Eren and him not being able to move all of a sudden, it's a real thing. Of course in this story it serves as a dramatic effect, because I'm just a dramatic beesch, but I've lived it and it's goddamn frightening. It's called psychomotor impairment, it can be connected to severe depression and stress, when you lose not only your will to move, but the whole capability. Of course it has to be treated with pills, but I can say to every mental illness, the feeling of being loved is crucial! :)</p><p>Also thanks Tuana for always being so nice in the comments 😳 you're too sweet!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What is happening to him?!”</p><p>“I don’t –”</p><p>“Oh, don’t fuck with me, Zoë!”</p><p>“He’s stressed, okay?!”</p><p>“Stressed?” his voice faltered, sounding meek. “What, what could he be possibly stressed about?”</p><p>“Get your head out of your ass, Levi!”</p><p>A thud, she closed the door with too much force. I didn’t want to open my eyes, I didn’t wanna know if that was something I was still able to do anyway.</p><p>“Eren,” he sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to get too close. It stung. “I know you can hear me. I won’t push you to do anything,” he took a shaky breath.</p><p>Was that a sob I heard? My brows furrowed; I was unable to keep my composure. In any other situation I would just reach out my hand for him to take. This was different, in more than one way.</p><p>“I don’t want you to be someone you don’t want to be, I don’t want you to say it back. I – I’m not like her Eren.” He was full on crying now, what was happening? “There’s been too many events one after another and I – I just can’t keep up. I’m so worried about you all the time, yet I never do anything right. And now this happened,” he motioned towards nothing in particular, “and I don’t know if I’m still allowed to get close –”</p><p>“Levi,” I sighed, a slight smile playing on my lips. “You can get closer all you want. I didn’t know you were such an overthinker.”</p><p>He sniffled, shuffling closer to my side. I found it extremely adorable.</p><p>“I would hug you if I could.”</p><p>“Shut up, shut up,” he muttered as he wrapped his arms around me, pressing me close to his chest.</p><p>“You’ve been kinda out of it lately,” I hummed into his skin, taking in his cigar scent.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he whispered, “I’m just confused and worried more than usual. I feel as if everything is going to crumble and fall if I make one misstep.”</p><p>“What a petulant boyfriend I have.”</p><p>His hold on me tightened and I felt his pulse quicken. Maybe Levi was an endless romantic after all.</p><p>“Do you,” he began, “do you really not mind?”</p><p>I chuckled, “why would I mind, silly? I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>I felt a smile stretching my face despite everything that’s happened. I couldn’t help but feeling fulfilled. Fulfilled to the very brim, bursting with love, care, longing and affection. Hanji said that the issue was in my own head, yet I couldn’t find the core of it. I was so lost in my own emotions that I couldn’t sort out the ones that harmed me. And suddenly the giddiness I felt got pierced with a shard of reality. A tear escaped my closed eye, yet the smile still prevailed.</p><p>
  <em>Solve your confusion once and for all, Eren.</em>
</p><p>I let out a sob, straining myself not to show more emotions than necessary. I must not lose myself; I need to heal; I need to work properly.</p><p>
  <em>If you can’t walk, you’re as good as dead.</em>
</p><p>There is no place for a cripple. There is no place for this love. There is no place for me.</p><p>
  <em>We need a weapon, not a burden.</em>
</p><p>I felt his warm hand on my jaw, his thin lips capturing mine. He kissed me gently, almost demurely. I finally opened my eyes. His eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks as he took a shallow breath before kissing me again. Such a beautiful sight, playing out for a single undeserving human. I could swear his hair got longer again; didn’t he just get a haircut? Or was that a long time ago? It fell into his face, partially covering his steely orbs. He looked up at me, hazy and pained. I smiled and he shook his head.</p><p>“Don’t smile if it’s not honest. You’re hurting yet you’re smiling at me as if nothing really happened.”</p><p>I faltered, not knowing how to respond. I felt like my façade was slowly cracking and I myself had no idea what was underneath. I’ve been bottling up my emotions for too long. Was I, was I going to –</p><p>“Hold me tight or… or I’ll fall apart.”</p><p>A sigh. He snuggled his face into the nook of my neck, I could feel his heartbeat on mine. The way we were so in sync, it brought me peace. I blinked, surprised as his embrace loosened. Levi seemed content, ghosting his cold fingers over my burning skin, taking my hand in his and squeezing. It was so reassuring and secure and, though it just might have been a reflex, I squeezed back.</p><p>“You…” he gasped, eyes wide and round, like two full moons casting their silver shine upon me.</p><p>“Lo –” I heaved, sucking in a deep breath. “Love me, Levi.”</p><p>And as he started touching me, I felt hot blood rushing back into my limbs.</p><p>.</p><p>“I –” I gasped, fingers trembling as I tried to remember my ability to move.</p><p>His hands were too close to what I was considering a forbidden place. But I asked for this, there was no place for me to chicken out now. I looked down at him and his eyes were already trained on my face. His look was encouraging. <em>We were still in a hospital, I couldn’t</em> – I faintly smiled, nudging him with my knee. A sign to continue.</p><p>His lips were warm on my thigh, his breath tickling the sensitive skin. I preened under the touch, hips involuntarily buckling up. He hummed, discontented, pinning me back to the bed.</p><p>“I thought you couldn’t move,” he grunted, sticking his tongue out in the obscenest of ways, making a wet line along my thigh and up to the navel.</p><p>
  <em>I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with you. </em>
  <em>Mind over matter, Eren.</em>
</p><p>I shuddered, my breathing getting more and more erratic. There was a warm feeling pooling up in my abdomen, I could feel it. I bit my inner cheek, praying for it to go away. My back arched as he touched me for the first time, the pleasure shooting up throughout my body like an electrical charge.</p><p>“L – Levi,” I gasped.</p><p>He hollowed his cheeks, moving in slow movements. Up and down, up and down, it somewhat made me feel dizzy. My hands fisted the hospital sheet and my legs wrapped around his back with imminent need. I’ve never been touched like this, not by a man anyway. I was about to lose my shit.</p><p>“I’m,” I moaned, “I’m gonna –”</p><p>He sped up. I hated him for it and I loved it, because even now I was still half in denial when facing this whole situation. I couldn’t just come in front of a…</p><p>“Ah –” my breath hitched in my throat as I finally felt the tension leave my body. I wanted to scream, yet the only thing I was able to do was catching my own breath.</p><p><em>Spent</em>, that’s how I felt. And it was the most amazing feeling in a while. Levi wiped his mouth with the hem of my pajamas and my hands flew to my face, covering up the crimson blush spreading all over my cheeks.</p><p>“You’re so pretty like this,” he hummed, threading his fingers gently through my hair.</p><p>“You’re hot,” I blurted, biting my tongue right after hard enough to draw blood.</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck, Eren?</em>
</p><p>Levi didn’t seem phased, instead he burst out laughing, wheezing and coughing like an old man on cigarettes.</p><p>“You’re so straightforward,” he smiled, placing the back of his hand on my burning cheek. “I love that about you.”</p><p>“Love,” I hummed.</p><p>“Love,” he grinned, kissing me gently and languidly, savoring every second of it.</p><p>And I was happy to kiss him back, I was proud to be there. After all, I could have chickened out in the face of all that’s been said to me in the past days. Yet I didn’t, and I was endlessly glad for it. I was Eren Yeager, no longer a titan or a weapon, but a human capable of love.</p><p>“Thank you for loving me,” I whispered, mindlessly drawing patterns on his chest.</p><p>“Where did that come from?” He murmured, stroking my back, carefully, as if I were something fragile.</p><p>I didn’t know and so I kept quiet.</p><p>“You will never be alone again, Eren.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>.</p><p>“Well this is surprising!”</p><p>We were lined up in front of the headquarters. Some of the troops that were deployed earlier this week have returned with new information and possible theories regarding the huge hole in the wall. Needless to say, no one paid any attention to them, for all the eyes were trained on me. Apparently, Erwin wasn’t so good in keeping secrets after all. My eyes traveled to the woman fidgeting nervously next to our commander. Hanji’s look was apologetic, maybe I mistook the culprit.</p><p>I huffed, jutting my lip upwards like a petulant child.</p><p>“What may have caused this,” Erwin slowly began to question, “sudden movement?”</p><p>I smirked, seeing the sweat forming on Levi’s forehead as he stood anxiously next to his peer. Our eyes met and he blinked, unconsciously licking his dry quivering lips. It was all too amusing for me to handle. I almost burst out laughing.</p><p>“Hanji told me it was all in my head,” I began telling the story as it unfolded in my mind. “I did some yoga, you know, self-reflection…”</p><p>Levi made a strained noise, rubbing his face hastily with his palms to gain composure.</p><p>“Did you say something?” Erwin asked vaguely.</p><p>“Nope,” Levi grunted, his voice much deeper than what it usually was.</p><p>“That makes sense,” Hanji interjected, stepping out of her line to pat me on my shoulder. “I knew you would make it, Eren!”</p><p>At least she was trying to make up for what she’s messed up, I thought bitterly.</p><p>Erwin just shrugged, it seemed that this charade no longer interested him. “Well, now that this is out of the way,” he muttered, “let’s move onto the reports.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. A lousy commander</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I didn't even bother writing a chapter summary this time. Honestly, I'm just updating because I feel guilty about being mia for so long. Is "mia" still being used? Am I being a boomer here? Take this as a filler chapter. Uni is killing me and I've been writing pieces of this thing during nights between studying. Sigh, let it this semester ENDDDDDDDD!! </p><p>Okay, I hope you're all doing okay. I'm sorry if my english is a little off in this chapter, I feel like my brain has been lagging lately. </p><p>Love ya! Byeeeee :))))</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Although that a few days ago we would all deem it absolutely impossible, now it made complete sense. The titans were a lot more organized than what we were used to. They were able to assemble at an agreed place and set off together to do even more damage.</p><p>As Hanji said, they were getting intelligent.</p><p>Sooner or later, they would attack again, this time without a wall stopping them. And that was something we couldn’t just let happen. The other groups of survey corps sent out right after mine and Levi’s fiasco were much more successful, bringing valuable information about the titan’s numbers and various places of their gathering points and hidings. I was quite taken aback by how many of them there were. Much more than what I would’ve ever expected. I subconsciously returned to the time when we were fighting for the fort. The first time I got outside the city as a deadly weapon. I was now well acquainted with all the hurdles that may come my way and seeing my commanding captain tying up his laces with his ass turned in my direction, I might’ve even felt a spark of joy.</p><p>We had this, we surely did.</p><p>“What are you staring at?” Jean nudged me suggestively with his elbow.</p><p>I averted my gaze, “nothing.”</p><p>The man snickered, covering his mouth. “We need to get to the gate, it’s gonna be a long day.”</p><p>“I know,” I sighed. “I hope we can at least break their formation, make some mess on the inside if you know what I mean.”</p><p>Jean nodded, “we have you, so I’m not worried.”</p><p>And with that, he started towards the wall. I watched him, surprised and left wondering whether I should be flattered or not.</p><p>Maybe being a weapon wasn’t an insult after all, maybe it was my strength as a human. A hand landed on my shoulder, gentle and comforting.</p><p>“Should I hit him,” Levi whispered playfully. “I’ll hit him.”</p><p>I turned to him with a reprimanding look, but giggling nevertheless. “Don’t hit him, we need him functioning on the mission.”</p><p>And as I wanted to leave, he grabbed me by my wrist and span me around. “Just don’t do anything that’d put you in danger.”</p><p>I leaned in with a quick peck on his lips, “I believe you’d come to my rescue.”</p><p>“Irresponsible,” he muttered, stomping right behind me as I made my way through the narrow streets of the still sleeping city.</p><p>My mind was racing with unsorted thoughts, fear mixing with excitement unexplainable craving. Horses were waiting for us by the gate, geared and nervously huffing as they saw us approaching. My stallion was never found, I didn’t blame them for being scared.</p><p>“Hurry up, you two!” Sasha was enthusiastically waving her hands, “you’re late!”</p><p>“Yea, yea,” Levi grunted, scrambling to get on the horse, since someone set the stirrups too high for him.</p><p>I took me a whole lot of self-control to keep myself from laughing at the sight. Eventually I walked up to him, joining my hands to create some kind of a steppingstone. I was followed by several concerned looks of those who were afraid I might get punched if I ridiculed the small man like this.</p><p>I smiled at him as he silently questioned me. He set his booted foot in my hands, the initial hesitation long gone, and hoisted himself into the saddle.</p><p>“Thank you,” he muttered, pink dusting his cheeks.</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>My hand lingered on his calf as I tried to stay by his side a little longer, but the eyes were too prying and the situation was too tense. I took my leave.</p><p>There was a place not so far away from the city where the titans supposedly gathered. I almost couldn’t believe it; we’ve passed that point mere days ago. They were flocking together faster than the pigeons on powerlines. I frowned, suddenly feeling a little gloomy. What if this was a trick to get the survey corps outside the city so they can plunder without any obstacles? Were they this advanced? What if –</p><p>“Eren!”</p><p>I looked up to see Sasha waiting for me while the others were freely trotting away. I gaped, feeling a little betrayed but hopping onto my horse nevertheless and quickly catching up.</p><p>.</p><p>The moors were silent, hoofs hitting the dusty ground being the only noise to be heard. I was growing impatient and I could see that the others were as well.</p><p>“This seems suspicious,” Erwin halted, his eyes darting towards a small grove on our left side. He then turned to Hanji, “do you think they are anticipating this?”</p><p>The woman shrugged, uncomfortably shifting in the saddle. “It’s possible, I mean, when we consider the information we’ve gotten from the returning soldiers, we can be almost certain.”</p><p>Sasha pulled out a chocolate biscuit out of her pocket, stuffing it into her mouth before anyone got the crazy idea to ask for a bite. I guffawed, hiding my face into my palms.</p><p>“Am I missing a joke?” the blonde man grunted, not even bothering to look at me. “Is this a funny situation?”</p><p>I ceased my giggling, finally raising my head and instantly locking eyes with the man in the front row. Levi’s face was unreadable as always, but I could see the slight tremor in his lower lip as he attempted to take deep breaths. His courage seemed broken, yet he managed to hide the fact behind his resolve.</p><p>“Nope,” I singsonged, popping the p. “Nothing at all!”</p><p>Erwin cracked his neck, taking a deep breath before slowing his horse, waiting for me to catch up. I expected him to hit me, honestly, I was the only one to talk back at him. I didn’t really feel bad about</p><p>it either so maybe I deserved a hit. His expression was appeasing, yet I couldn’t help but seeing the cunningness in his deep blue eyes.</p><p>“Go ahead, Eren,” he murmured warmly, “check the forest for us, if you sense any danger, call for backup.”</p><p>I was about to purposely agree just to get him off his high horse, when a sharp voice cut the air and we both turned our surprised faces towards Levi.</p><p>“What do you mean, go ahead?” the small man hurled out, “are you planning on sending him alone?”</p><p>“Are you calling him incompetent?” Erwin fired back.</p><p>Reversed psychology, how inventive.</p><p>“No,” Levi spluttered, “I –”</p><p>“I’m going with him,” a small voice came from the crowd and Christa made her way between the horses to stand beside me.</p><p>Connie blinked, looking at the petite woman and back at me. “I –” he inhaled, closing his eyes, “I’m going as well!”</p><p>There was a low buzz as the rest of the group began to silently chatter amongst each other and I watched in utmost surprise as they began to flock around me one after another. I felt tears pooling up in my eyes and I quickly rubbed at them to make myself look a little less of an emotional wreck than I really was.</p><p>“You impertinent son of a –”</p><p>“Erwin…”</p><p>My eyes flicked brusquely towards the man still standing beside the commander. His brows were knitted into one straight line. He wasn’t looking at the blonde man, yet his eyes were full of loathing. And I wondered how much their relationship has changed ever since I first met them. The two of them used to be much closer. They used to talk and laugh together, they used to go drinking to a local pub in Trost. They used to be friends.</p><p>Did I ruin that?</p><p>“Watch your mouth.”</p><p>My jaw dropped and Erwin seemed equally as shocked as the rest of us. Levi tutted, prompting the horse to move and walking up towards me.</p><p>“Levi,” I breathed, completely at loss.</p><p>“I won’t allow anyone to be pushed around. I would never expect it to come from my friend,” the man said, casting a side glance towards our commander.</p><p>“You could get demoted for this,” I whispered, briefly touching his knee as he continued walking towards the forest.</p><p>I sighed, knowing nothing good would come out of this. I tried to keep my distance, yet I couldn’t help but to come close. We were now a few meters away from the rest of the party and I could see that his resolve was wearing thin. He was shaking.</p><p>“I won’t let you get hurt, Levi,” I murmured. “Above all, you’re my priority.”</p><p>He tightened his grip on the reins. “I know that. But what if you get hurt protecting me? I wouldn’t be able to look myself in the eye ever again if that were to happen.”</p><p>I smiled, reaching out and placing my palm on his thigh, moving up and grazing the saddle with the back of my hand. He gasped, shooting me an alarmed look. I didn’t budge, instead I observed his face; his lips pursed into a strict thin line, his gaze casted down on my hand, his cheeks slowly turning the palest shade of red.</p><p>“Yep,” I nodded to myself, a shit eating grin stretching my features. “I won’t let you get hurt. There isn’t another sight like that on this lousy planet.”</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>“Let’s get this over with,” I grunted, spurring my horse towards the spinney.</p><p>“Yeah,” he agreed, following right after.</p><p>I could hear the rest of the group abruptly speeding up as well, trying to catch up with us. Trying to catch up with me, the one who was once a mere monster, but now was considered valuable enough to be protected.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. They left</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The titans are playing a confusing game. The ones who try to trick them are being tricked in return. Levi is unstable and Eren too dependend. Erwin is always displeased. How will the fight end up going?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hellooo! I'm back after a long time. As always ahah. I've been writing more these days, so I'm treating you with a longer chapter. I'm sorry for any errors, I've been larning Japanese a lot again and I feel like it's overwriting my English sksksksks. I also found my old French textbooks and realized that I suck at that as well now that I don't study it regularly. Since we are the hardest hit country when it comes to rona, everything is closed and I've been sitting at home ever since last year. Yay *insert crying face*<br/>Anyways! I hope you'll enjoy the chapter. Take care! I'll be back. :))))))</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“This forest is awfully quiet,” Jean noted as he moved through the dense underbrush.</p><p>I watched Levi skip from tree to tree using his maneuver gear. I was on high alert; I had a bad feeling about it all. I might’ve seemed calm, but my stomach was squirming with fear. And once again, it wasn’t me I was worrying about. The forest was indeed awfully quiet, only small branches cracking below our feet as we walked through it.</p><p>“There,” Hanji breathed, pointing towards something far in the distance.</p><p>“They’re coming,” Erwin stopped in his tracks, shoulders rising and falling in a quick pace as he tried to breathe through the adrenalin rush that was pulsing in his veins. “We came here early, they haven’t noticed us.”</p><p>His voice was tinted with a scent of victory, but the battle was still ahead of us. Several small titans were approaching the groves. Their formation wasn’t aligned at all; they were moving disorderly, bumping into each other, their faces dim and insentient. I frowned, quietly moving towards Jean.</p><p>“This doesn’t seem right,” I whispered, “this is too easy.”</p><p>But before Jean mustered the answer, Erwin’s loud voice gave us all away.</p><p>“What do you mean?” he guffawed, exhaling in relief. “The intel we got must’ve been off.”</p><p>The titans were now closer, only hundred meters away or so.</p><p>“I heard something,” Christa gasped, alarmed. “I heard something in the woods.”</p><p>“Of course you did,” Levi inserted himself into the conversation, looking at us all from the highest branches of a nearby spruce. “Those small fries are nothing but a –”</p><p>“– diversion,” I finished, cold sweat running down my back.</p><p>Levi’s voice was awfully calm, perhaps he finally got over the fear of the past experiences? I raised my head to look at him, and as expected, his eyes were already on me. There was nothing in them that would even distantly reminiscent the orderliness in the way he spoke. I wanted to hold him; the need was so great my hands began reaching out to him on their own. I realized my actions, retracting, but my gaze lingered. He smiled the tiniest, gripping the ropes of his gear and moving back into the forest.</p><p>“Wait!” Jean called, “we haven’t yet decided on the… strategy.”</p><p>“There’s not time for strategy,” I frowned, quickly following suit.</p><p>And they were there, too big to stay hidden in the leaves, too big to counter with. Their eyes weren’t as blind as the other’s, they had a certain type of determination, a goal.</p><p>“Eren,” a shaky hand was gently placed on my back and I turned to see Hanji’s bewildered expression. “They –, they look like you.”</p><p>“I know,” I gritted through clenched teeth. “Those titans aren’t like the others. Be alerted!” I yelled and ran towards the first one.</p><p>Levi was somewhere in front of me, I couldn’t see him. He wasn’t ready to do this just yet, he shouldn’t be here. What if a panic attack sets in. I had to find him. I had to… suddenly I saw darkness covering my line of vision, something heavy landed on the back of my head. Warm blood was trickling down my neck and I could feel a certain relief. In a way, this was long anticipated. I’ve always wanted to die, haven’t I? I was a mere weapon. Or at least I used to be. I found something to live for, someone to live for. Why was no one covering me from behind? I got too reckless. But that didn’t matter now, I was losing it all. My mouth was dry, the only thing I felt was the bitter iron taste of blood. I smiled and fell to the ground.</p><p>“Change! You have to change!”</p><p>The voice was distant, I felt it echoing throughout my head. Change? But I already did, I changed for you. No, <em>you changed me</em>. Why would you want me to change, am I not good enough?</p><p>“For fucks sake!”</p><p>A sharp pain shot up from the back of my hand and into the elbow, someone else’s teeth were sinking into the flesh of my palm. There was urgence in that action that I could faintly feel as well. Fear and desperation were hanging in the air as I was shaken into consciousness, the wound on my head healing in an instant. My body was on fire, his anxiousness mine, stirring me into action. I swore to protect him, I could not allow myself to die just yet.</p><p>I opened my eyes and I saw him leaning over me. Tears were staining his porcelain skin and his pale lips were shaking in trepidation. Titans were surrounding us, the rest of the party fighting diligently against their brute power.</p><p>“Step away, love,” I whispered, placing my burning hand gently on his cheek. “I don’t want to hurt you.”</p><p>He barely managed to jump back before I became what I was meant for. And I looked down and saw him, a wave of relief washing over his features as he hastily turned away, rushing onwards to help our friends.</p><p><em>Right, titans</em>, I reminded to myself and dove into the fight.</p><p>.</p><p>There was indeed something fishy about the titans we were up against. The smoothness of their moves, almost elegant in the obscenest of ways. Their eyes were focused, focused on us as we were plunging ourselves into their way. A few of them fell, more came. Where did they come from? What was about this sudden togetherness that made my hair rise with fear. I took down one, two, three…</p><p>“Behind you, Eren!”</p><p>I almost got hit in the neck, shielding myself abruptly with a piece of a broken tree. So they knew where to aim as well. More and more questions were rising on my mind as I was diving deeper into chaos. I almost lost myself in the repetitive swings, my mind trying to come up with theories as to what could’ve been the cause to all of this.</p><p>“Fall back! Fall back!!” I heard a voice calling, “Jean is injured, there’s too many of them!”</p><p>“But they will follow,” some other voice responded, but it was too far for me to distinguish whose it was.</p><p>“We can’t possibly kill them all!”</p><p>This was Erwin, seemingly on the verge of a complete breakdown. Well, his words were bigger than his actions after all.</p><p>I turned towards them and their eyes were already on me. What were they expecting? Did they expect me to fight them all on my own? Was I just a scapegoat? Did I get it all wrong?</p><p>“Eren!” Levi was standing on a tree branch right next to me. His look was soft, tearful even. “Take Jean and run towards the fort. We can’t lead them into the city! You’re the fastest, we’ll try to slow them down.”</p><p>The fort? Not this again, not after we barely made it alive the last time. I didn’t want to listen; I didn’t want to leave him behind. His voice was pleading.</p><p><em>Don’t you dare get killed</em>, I thought to myself, picking up Jean’s unconscious body and leaving the scene.</p><p>.</p><p>It felt like I’ve been running for days when I finally spotted the worn-down structure. Unsheltered, sticking out in the middle of nowhere. I stopped for a brief moment, skimming the landscape behind me. There was no one to be seen and I was running out of hope. The days were now cold and weary, winter closing in on us all.</p><p>Jean stirred and I was reminded of my responsibility to keep him safe. The question that occupied my mind however was whether I should change back or wait for the rest of the party in my titan form. I should be ready to fight, but Jean was bleeding, and I wasn’t of much use in my current state. Would I be able to change again though. I needed to cease these musings, I needed to focus on the important stuff. Looking back once again to see that the face of the horizon has not changed, I gently laid the limp body on the ground and took a few steps back. Changing in and out of my titan form was becoming easier and easier, I was now more aware of what I was doing, not losing my consciousness as often. I freed myself of the remaining tissue and rushed towards Jean.</p><p>“Eren,” he rasped, “where are we…”</p><p>“It’s okay, Jean,” I soothed quickly, picking him up again, legs wobbly. I pushed the hard wooden door open and stepped inside the building. “We’re in the fort.”</p><p>“Again?” the man breathed, head lolling to the side.</p><p>It didn’t take me long to realize that it would be more practical to take him underground rather than carrying him upstairs. It would be a bit colder, yes, but what we needed now in the first place was safety.</p><p>There was a small dormer through which the light got in and that I could use to get rid of the fire smoke. I propped him on one of the bags of grain and with a quick promise to be back soon, I ran upstairs to get a petrol lamp, a first aid kit and some blankets. And as I was on my way back down, I stilled on the stairs, eyes trained on the few horses running towards the fort. I almost dropped everything I was holding, quickly catching the lamp before it managed to hit the ground and spill the petrol all over the stairs.</p><p>
  <em>Too few, that was… too few.</em>
</p><p>I needed to tend to Jean.</p><p>
  <em>But I also needed to know if he was alive.</em>
</p><p>I sniffled, running downstairs and right to the cellars.</p><p>“What hurts, what’s bleeding?” I asked hastily.</p><p>“You saw something,” my friend retorted instead of answering the question.</p><p>“They’re returning,” I whimpered, barely handling myself now, “but there are not many.”</p><p>Jean’s hand clasped mine and there was a smile on his beaten-up face.</p><p>“Go look for him,” he whispered, “I’m much tougher than you’d think.”</p><p>I wasn’t convinced at all, but the need to go check if he was there was bigger than any responsibility I was facing at that moment.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” I whispered, wrapping the blankets tightly around Jean’s body. “Just a few minutes.”</p><p>It didn’t even occur to me that everyone may have already known about my relationship with the captain. The way Jean spoke those words, it was encouraging. It made me warm all over, almost shunning away the fears of what I could see if I opened the door.</p><p>And so I did, just to be finally sure. A bunch of bodies almost fell into the room; it appeared that someone attempted to open the door at the same time as I did. Hanji had a nasty wound across her left eye, her hands raking angrily through her medical kit, looking for something to fix herself with. I quickly skimmed over the rest of them, looking for a black undercut.</p><p>
  <em>He wasn’t there. </em>
</p><p>My world stopped, every logical thought vanishing at the realization. I felt my pulse speed up. I wanted to ask where he was, I wanted to make sure. My voice left me completely. What have we come to? How much more bizarre could our lives get? How many more things will we have to sacrifice before we reach justice?</p><p>“I can’t believe you left me there to handle all of the horses!”</p><p>“Well, I’m sorry for almost bleeding the fuck out!” Hanji bit back, disinfecting her wound with constant hissing and wrapping a bandage around her head.</p><p>I was the first thing he noticed, and his eyes widened as he saw the paleness of my skin and the horror in my eyes. I must’ve looked ridiculous, being such a worrywart, always fussing over him. He strode towards me in a quick pace, embracing me in a bone crushing hug.</p><p>“Captain,” I said in an awkwardly polite manner, my voice hoarse.</p><p>“Who the hell do you think I am, Eren.”</p><p>So, he knew what I was thinking.</p><p>Someone pushed past us, rushing to the cellars. Right, Jean, I almost forgot about him.</p><p>Levi’s hands were rough and callous, yet always so soft when they touched me. I finally dared to look at him, breaking out of my trance. He wasn’t smiling, but his look was understanding.</p><p>“I want to go home,” I whispered.</p><p>There was no home for us anymore, only constant fear.</p><p>“I know,” he hummed, brushing the lose strands out of my face. “I know.”</p><p>“Where is the rest?”</p><p>The words left my mouth involuntarily, I actually didn’t want to know.</p><p>“We’ve lost them along the way,” Levi admitted, bowing his head in embarrassment almost as if it was his fault. “We know nothing about their whereabouts.”</p><p>Sasha, Connie, Christa, they all were gone.</p><p>“What about the titans,” I continued my interrogation.</p><p>His hands stilled around my waist and I frowned. I stroke his back, slowly but warily. These days I never knew how Levi would react, he was always on the edge, always spiraling.</p><p>“They left.”</p><p>I looked up to see Erwin. He was watching the scene playing out in front of him with intent stare. I almost forgot there were others who came, everything else disappeared once I held him in my arms.</p><p>“They left,” I repeated dumbly, mulling those words on my tongue for a few more seconds. “They left?!” I yelled this time and Levi jumped back, eyebrows almost touching his hairline.</p><p>“Yes, that’s what I just said,” Erwin said casually.</p><p>There were screams coming out of the basement; Hanji has probably started her healing practices on Jean while being severely injured herself. Doing it with one working eye only was no better either.</p><p>“But where?”</p><p>The answer was right there but I chose to overlook it. I didn’t want to believe the paradoxical situation we found ourselves in. In an attempt to lead them away, we sent them right towards the city. We were the only ones safe.</p><p>“The saw right through us,” Erwin took his cloak off and slid down the wooden door, huffing in exhaustion.</p><p>“The rest of the Survey corps is going to have a rough night,” Levi sighed, picking up his stuff and heading to find himself a quiet place to sleep.</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. The big bad titan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The atmosphere is dense and everyone is on the edge. So, to keep their minds off it, Eren and Levi decide to do everything inappropriate.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Guys I'm b - l - u - s - h - i - n - g! I've never been good at writing smut, in fact, I've always been horrible. Idk lol please let me off easy, this is a mess. 😭😭 I'm too innocent to be writing this ughhh.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Levi…”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“May I come in?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>I knew he was on edge, his mind reeling. Surely he took it all upon himself, thinking it was all his doing. He laid still, but his hands were quivering. The fort was cold and he didn’t even bother kindling a fire. Some blankets were left scattered in the corner of the room, untouched. I watched him silently, throat closed up, the words I longed to say staying locked up deep inside of me. Levi didn’t speak, but he wasn’t sleeping either. I paced resolutely to the corner of the room, picking up a blanket and nervously fumbling with it a few feet away from his bed.</p><p>What was I afraid of still? I walked up to him, lowering myself slowly onto the mat. He didn’t budge, but he was small enough to leave some space for a second person. Dragging the blanket across both of our bodies, I sighed in trepidation. The sun was already descending behind the horizon, it was getting darker and I could feel the wind drifting through the creaks of the closed window. I slowly sneaked my hands around his middle, pressing his small form close to my chest.</p><p>“You’re burning,” he noted, worry seeping through his perfect composure.</p><p>I nuzzled into his neck, brushing my lips across the tender skin. “I’m alright.”</p><p>There was a shift, he turned around, searching for my eyes. His hair was matted to his forehead and I gently brushed it away.</p><p>“Our friends are being slaughtered right now; you know that, right.”</p><p>I kissed the corner of his mouth, lingering for a bit before moving away. “If the world is in flames, we could at least make the best out of it.”</p><p>Levi stiffened in my embrace, clearly taken aback by my advances.</p><p>“Let’s fuck, Levi.”</p><p>“I –, you –, I –,” he stuttered pulse quickening.</p><p>I smirked, “you weren’t so coy the last time.”</p><p>Moving my hips to brush against his groin, I watched his face morph from impassive to aroused in mere seconds. His thin pale lips opened the slightest and he gasped, letting out a low guttural whine. I was entranced, repeating the move in slow motion over and over again. Levi gripped the beddings, screwing his eyes shut and humming in pleasure. I undone the buttons of his shirt with shaky hands and leaned down, making a wet trail of kisses over his chest. He preened under my touch and that was enough to send me reeling. I almost tore my shirt apart while pulling it over my head, returning my focus to the writhing man under me. My teeth grazed one of his perky nipples, licking and lapping over it while drowning in Levi’s voiceless yelps and pleads. When I pulled his pants off, he was already wet with precum, shaking and gasping for air.</p><p>“Er –,” he breathed with difficulties, “Eren.”</p><p>“Yes?” I asked teasingly, nosing along his thigh.</p><p>“Mm, fuck me.”</p><p>My vision got clouded with lust, he was my superior, I had to obey the commands. He was hard, I wanted to touch him so bad. Just –, not yet. I unzipped my pants, shivering as the cold air hit my member, and I gritted my teeth, growing harder by the minute.</p><p>“On your knees, Captain.”</p><p>This time, I was the one giving orders. Levi’s face was covered in sheer sweat and he blinked, hesitantly scrambling to all four.</p><p>“Is, is it gonna hurt?” he suddenly asked in a quiet tone and despite the haziness I found myself in, it made me realize how petite he was.</p><p>It made me realize that maybe I wasn’t the only one not ready, that maybe his words were bigger than his actions as well. We got high on our emotions just to scare the shadows of the future away and suddenly we were lost at what we were doing. I gently rubbed his back and kissed the milky skin on his love handles, trying to ease some of the stress.</p><p>“Maybe a little bit,” I murmured, “I’ll be gentle.”</p><p>And with those words I reached out between his legs and stroke him a few times in an attempt to get something akin to lube. Levi, buried his face into the pillow, letting out ragged breaths and groaning with pleasure. I slicked my fingers with his precum, eyes falling to the pink puckered hole.</p><p>“Listen, love,” I kissed his ass and squeezed his thigh in assurance, “I’m gonna insert one finger, alright?”</p><p>And I did, slowly, almost demurely. I got encompassed by the heat of his walls that quickly started closing up on me, clenching and unclenching as Levi tried to adjust.</p><p>“Relax,” I urged, “relax, baby, you’re gonna break my finger.”</p><p>“I –,” he panted, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” I chuckled lightly, “I’m gonna add another one, alright?”</p><p>Levi shifted his knees, pushing his ass higher to give me better access.</p><p>“Yeah,” he gasped.</p><p>Pushing in another digit, I felt him quiver under my touch. I wanted to stop, ask him if he was in pain, but he vehemently pushed against my fingers, fitting the two of them inside of him easily. He was on it and he wanted it all or nothing. And I wouldn’t argue with him on that matter. I spread my fingers, scissoring him open and earning a few grunts.</p><p>“Put it in, Eren,” he almost pleaded, “I – I can take it.”</p><p>I moved my hand to stoke myself, suddenly feeling even more exhilarated, adrenalin pulsing through my veins, longing dimming my senses. This was what I was waiting for this whole time. And Levi was beautiful, a writhing mess waiting for me to take him. My Captain.</p><p>“I’m doing it,” I said, giving him a heads up and pushing slightly against his hole.</p><p>“Ah,” he breathed, tears pooling up in his eyes. “You’re big.”</p><p>For a second, I panicked internally. “Should I sto –”</p><p>“No!” he barked, “just continue you fucking moron.”</p><p>And that was enough for me to slam into him with all my might. There was a scream, loud and broken and ridiculously obscene. I have never heard anyone emit such a dirty sound and it made me wanna hear more. Ramming into him, sloppily and senselessly, I got to hear a wide range of those sounds. Levi cried and pleaded, calling me all sorts of names I would use later on to tease him with. His back was glistening with sweat and my fingers digging into his hips would leave a set of deep red marks later on. I felt myself reaching my climax and so I sped up, skin slapping on skin, breathing uneven and erratic. I loved every second. I loved him.</p><p>“I’m gon-na, I’m gon-na,” Levi panted in syllables, unable to finish his sentence.</p><p>“Just a little while more,” I grunted, slamming into him several more times before feeling that freeing sensation of release.</p><p>Levi came a few seconds after me, falling back into the sheets, legs spread, cum leaking out of his ass. He looked completely spent, not even a whole week in terrain would ravage him this much. I was proud of myself.</p><p>“How wonton,” I whispered into his ear, leaning over him on my shaky hands.</p><p>Levi blinked, a small smile playing on his lips. He sluggishly moved to make a room for me and I collapsed next to him, kissing him lazily and languidly.</p><p>“I didn’t know you had it in you,” he said in one breath, still gaining composure.</p><p>“It’s the titan power,” I responded cheekily, biting at his jaw.</p><p>“Oh, shove it,” he chortled, inching closer and wrapping his hand around my middle.</p><p>We laid there in the quiet room, warming each other with our heated bodies. My face was buried in his feathery hair while his cheek was resting on my chest. It would be the perfect serene idyllic scene if the knowledge of our peers being gobbled up alive wasn’t eating at our consciences. Levi’s fingers were trembling as he rested them on my collarbone, tracing the outline of it.</p><p>“I’m glad you’re alive,” he sighed.</p><p>I didn’t say anything to that, instead I kissed his forehead and held him tighter than I ever did before.</p><p>I was glad we were alive.</p><p>.</p><p>We woke up a bit too late, hearing voices coming from the yard and sensing some kind of a commotion. Sunrays were penetrating the blanked we were covered with, heating up our skin and reminding us that we would have to get up and live through another day.</p><p>“I feel disgusting,” Levi muttered, squinting into the sun.</p><p>I grinned, amused. “Are you pouting? Captain Levi, are you pouting?”</p><p>He scrambled to his feet, shuffling towards the pail standing by the door. This place had no showers which made the process of cleaning all of the dried cum off his legs a bit more complicated. I was kind of smug about the fact that the man was limping visibly.</p><p>“Do you need a hand?” I asked innocently.</p><p>He ran a wet cloth over his inner thigh and turned to look at me, frowning slightly. “Well, aren’t you complacent.”</p><p>I noticed his trepidation as he vigorously washed himself up and started searching for his clothes scattered all over the floor. Levi never really got over the day he got injured for the first time; he tried to stand strong, but his mind wavered. I knew him too well, too well for his liking I bet. Every corner of his mind and now even every crevice of his lanky body.</p><p>“I can read you like a book, you know that, right.”</p><p>No response. I got up, splashing myself with a bit of water left in the pail and putting on some briefs. Levi buttoned up his shirt and took a deep breath. I approached him from behind, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. He stiffened but didn’t move away. His mind was already in Trost.</p><p>“Get dressed,” he breathed, “we need to move if we want to make it there by the evening.”</p><p>And so I did, throwing on the clothes from yesterday and following Levi to the ground floor.  </p><p>The first person we ran into was Hanji, a shit eating grin spread over her face instantly, part of it disappearing under the bandages.</p><p>“Good morning, love,” she said to Levi, then her knowing eye fell on me and she nodded, “big bad titan.” She then turned around and headed towards the horse shed with a melody on her lips.</p><p>Levi stood there, blazing like a volcano, while my eyes were almost falling out of their sockets. I didn’t know if I wanted cry or laugh in desperation. Of course they heard, how could they fucking not. Levi was as loud as a thunderstorm and I wasn’t exactly holding back either.</p><p>“I’ve just lost all respect,” Levi whimpered, stomping away and spitting out curses.</p><p>This was going to be a long day.</p>
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